Yes. Truly-- they may be making you FEEL as though you're being "aggressive" or "unpleasant" by insisting on doing things the
legally correct way, but really, you are doing them a favor by doing things this way.
They just won't thank you for it NOW. They may, believe it or not, in the future, when they see how much BETTER it is to have everyone's responsibilities spelled out and on paper in black-and-white.
It may actually be
illegal for them to provide accommodations to a
child who is qualified as disabled under ADA/ADAA without formal identification. The reason? They have an obligation to
evaluate and identify those children formally under the law.
They also cannot provide accommodations to EVERYONE just for the asking, right? Or they shouldn't-- particularly modifications to policies, practices, and procedures, or curricular modifications which impact other students and families. That said, the only really
defensible thing for those practices is to note that those students have needs X, Y, and Z which are obligations to the school under federal law A, assuming that student B is covered as a disabled student under that law.
Does this make sense? They aren't obliged to do ANYTHING for student B that they don't/won't already do for ANY student (with or without any particular condition, I mean), so if your child needs
any considerations beyond what other children do in order to safely access the learning environment of the school? Yeah, that means that s/he
is a person who ought to be evaluated under Section 504.