What are your rules around mandatory telling? How do you enforce them? If your child doesn't tell friends/classmates, etc., do you take it upon yourself to tell them?
Ohhhhhboy...
well, my DD and your DS have some personality features in common, let's just say.
Yes, I have a rule about telling. My DD doesn't necessarily share my specific guidance in the fine print, here, however.
Enforcement??
Oh. Right. Yeah, nobody can MAKE my DD do pretty much anything she decides not to do. All I can do is make it
a larger pain in her rump NOT to. That is, I will simply hound her at every turn until she relents and at least has a rudimentary conversation on the subject. I have been willing to use pretty much every means available there, though-- up to and including stalking behavior. In other words, her autonomy is conditional on compliance on this particular matter, in our minds as parents. Tell, or have mom and dad there at every step as your "safety net" since you've CHOSEN not to have a safety net comprised of peers. Your choice.
No, we don't tell. That's kind of our cardinal rule, and has been since DD was about seven. If she has a desire to retain her privacy, and has a gut-level reason for not trusting someone with the information, I feel that we have to respect that.
ETA:
This is one of the reasons why I am so excited by (and determined to obtain) the new Auvi-Q injectors, however. As long as she's wearing that MedicAlert bracelet, I figure that a close friend would go hunting for meds after seeing that it mentioens carrying epinephrine. That one will properly walk a bystander through it, unlike the conventional Epipens.