Needtorelax, I completely understand what you are going through with your dd’s anxiety. My dd has had the same problems beginning around 2nd/3rd grade. To help ease your mind, I want to share with you what I have learned from this experience and what I really wish someone had told me very early on.
1) You’re not alone. As everyone here has shared, it’s really not unusual for a child around your dd’s age with food allergies to experience anxiety. It can also be very scary and frustrating as parents to watch our children experience this type behavior. The fact is, we are given so much information on how to deal with the food allergies themselves, but very little information on how to deal the emotional ramifications it can cause.
2) Finding a good, qualified, food allergy-educated mental health professional is the best thing you can do for your child, yourself, and your family. I was always very leery of any kind of mental health professional, but our doctor has helped us so much. Not only can they help your child deal with her anxiety, but they can help you feel confident in the way your handle your child’s disability and anxiety, as well as help your entire family cope with the challenges of food allergies. Just be sure to do your homework. We learned the hard way, not all mental health professionals know what they’re doing or understand food allergies. Be sure to ask a lot of questions prior to visiting.
3) Make sure your dd’s school is not part of the problem. My dd was becoming more and more anxious and fearful. She hated school. She cried all the time. I started dropping by the school a lot and personally witnessed some shocking ways the teachers/aides/staff were dealing with my dd. I realized this was a big part of my dd’s anxiety issues. Honestly, the school had what I thought was a good food allergy plan in place to keep her safe, but the fact was, she didn’t feel safe. A food allergic child needs to feel some control in their environment, needs to ALWAYS feel comfortable speaking about their food allergy concerns, should be able to walk out of any situation and go to the nurse, and not be forced to do something that makes them uncomfortable. It might be a good idea to make sure your dd’s school is on board about her food allergy-related anxiety and what helps her feel safe.
Hang in there. You’re already doing a good job and you’re a great mom. You will get through this. Feel free to pm me if I can help in any way.