Thank you everyone! Lots of good stuff here!! In many ways, I really do feel like I opened up a can of worms. Problem is, originally I *was* satisfied with only this: birthday parties being limited to one day a month and my daughter bringing in her own snack on those days. It was for these reasons: (1) school had no food allergy policy in place when I arrived, and having had such bad experiences with other prospective schools wanting to make NO accommodations, I figured I was lucky to even get that (2) I was the room mom, so in charge of ALL classroom celebrations ... and we only had 2/yr, as I came up with other ideas to substitute and (3) being different did not seem to bother my daughter; to the contrary, she liked what she brought in better than what was being served. HOWEVER ... that all changed this year when the teacher announced (last minute) that instead of celebrating the only September birthday on its designated day, we would be celebrating all of the summer birthdays as well (never mind that we had already celebrated them at the end of last year!) So now all of a sudden there are 3 moms bringing in food items, and far more of a "festive" celebration than I felt comfortable with. Not to mention the girls are getting quite catty already at the tender age of 8 (there are only 7 in the class anyway, which amplifies the need for my daughter to fit in), and I think the being different thing is starting to bother my daughter. I even asked her to ask her "best friend" if she would like me to make a cupcake for her, so the two of them could have the same thing, and my daughter told me that she shrugged it off. And this is her friend! Sure, she wants what everyone else is having ... understandably. The icing on the cake (pun intended!
) was when one of the moms contacted me and said how they wanted to make sure that my daughter was included and what prepackaged treat could they get her that was safe. You know, the whole separate AND not at all equal scenario? Even my daughter pointed out that if they had REALLY wanted to include her, they would have served something that everyone could eat or, gasp, do something non-food related. So, already she picks up on the hypocrisy ... how sad!! And that is when I went and spoke with the principal ...
I am not worried about classroom celebrations ... I will be on hand for each and every one and will eyeball to make sure everything is safe and serve her myself. The birthday parties I am more concerned with, but there are not that many, thankfully (only a half dozen more) and I feel if I give a specific enough list and ask that there be no deviations, I imagine it will work. However, I am with you, lakeswimr ... safety first and inclusion second ... and I have NEVER allowed anyone to give my child something that I have not looked over myself first. The only remedy I can think is that I can be present for the birthday parties as well, since there are not that many? Maybe for the first few anyway?? I am at campus several times a day (we live 5 minutes away and I have a little one that attends half days there), so the kids are used to seeing me around A LOT.
Anyway, thanks everyone! If anyone has any more suggestions for safe treats, it would be really helpful. We eat 100% organic in this house, so I have very little idea of which conventional store brands are safe. I sure wish the school would buck it up and go food free (they have in my younger daughter's preschool class, so I am not sure why that could not carry this over to K-8?) I am thinking long term here, and seriously considering a move to the original school we were thinking about sending our daughter to (peanut/tree nut free and food free everything), but unfortunately that would require an out of state move for us. May just be worth it, though ... the amount of time/worry I spend on this is simply ridiculous!! Thanks everyone ...