Daughter removed from Suite when College Roommates complained about PA living

[hedgehog]

CM, I could bet wrong, impressions being what they are online, but I really think your daughter would do well in a class full of guys.  Better than a class full of girls anyway.  She has always struck me as similar to my daughter, who I only half-jokingly call a dude.  Lots of "masculine" traits (the ones that are admired in men, but not so much in women), gets along well with the guys, hates all of the girl drama, etc.  I am similar myself.  I see a lot of me in DD in that respect.

L's mom, I haven't gotten to "know" your DD yet, but if think there is a good chance she falls into that same category.  In my limited experience, I think many girls who pursue the more "masculine" fields are like that.

[CMdeux]

 


Which ultimately means that the "usual" channels for finding female friends... the usual study group drama and party stuff... may never work that well as a social outlet in the first place.

DD is pretty much one of the guys.  She likes it that way.

[hedgehog]

Being one of the guys has its advantages. I know from experience. Until the last decade or so, I was always one of the guys.  But since I have lived here, I almost exclusively hang out with women.  The few times I have hung out with the guys (my friends' husbands) felt really good though.  Made me realize how much I miss that.

[LaurensMom]

Yes, I think you're right Hedgehog...Lauren too. She has said she finds it easier to talk to guys than girls because, yes, of the whole drama thing.

I think will take your advice, CMdeux, and let it play out for a little longer. Easier to do with all your posts knowing this may just be her and not that she is missing something.

This is a very strange experience for me as Mom. I'm so used to parenting by putting myself in their shoes. If I didn't actually live the experience, I could at least extrapolate.  But this is different. I mean, I graduated from her college. I was a math/CS major. But I didn't have this experience and I have absolutely nothing to extrapolate from.

 

[nonuteen]

Laurensmom-  Hi!  My dd is also a freshman in college this year.  We really struggled with how to handle dorm living and her food allergy.  I have a thread in the teen section (I think it's named "Going away to college with LTFA")

My daughter is very social and really wanted to be in one of the suite type floors.  I think there are 4 singles with a common living area and a bathroom.  She could not find enough room mates to agree to nut free and make this safe for her.  She did find one girl but in the end decided on the medical room.  But in our situation, we CHOSE the room.  I don't know how we would have felt about being forced.  That really stinks about the other girls!!

My dd  loves the room.  It is quite large and has the bathroom plus a larger fridge since she is unable to have the meal plan.  I really don't see how this could have worked any other way for her.  BUT like your daughter, the medical room is VERY isolating.  She is in a hall with no one that she has anything in common with and always keeps her door closed. 

Our saving grace right now is that her boyfriend also goes there so she has him and she has been lucky enough to make some friends outside of her hall.  She says it is  a pain though because her room is way out of the way from everyone and everything and so she is kind of missing out on the dorm living experience plus she can't eat at the dining halls which is also a very social area.

Unfortunately (and fortunately, it goes both ways) she is wondering if this room may also be her only choice for next year.  Even though she has met some friends, she still doesn't know how she could room with them without there being food/safety issues.  Freshman and sophmores are required to live in the dorms but they said they could make an exception for her (we were thinking it would be nice for her to have an apartment with an actual kitchen) but would not allow anyone else her age out of the housing contract. 

Staying home was never really an option for her.  It was very obvious that she was ready to take this step even if I wanted her home (or at least closer to home).

Anyway, this isn't much in the way of advice or help just wanted to let you know I understand.   I hate to think of your daughter feeling isolated due to her allergy.  It is SO hard.  Hoping as the semester moves forward she will meet some great friends with empathy that are willing to skip the PB and things get better for her. 

[LaurensMom]

You know, after being away for so long and dealing with this by myself, I really felt like we were alone. I know there was PA before my daughter and that others got through it OK but I was so sick of "Well it never happened before" and "Well, YOUR daughter is jsut going to have to step outside herself when it comes to the social aspect". You get sick and tired of fighting. College is about growth. Yes, Lauren needs to grow socially - engage. I get that. But why put all the onus on her? If college is about growth, why not make the other kids 'grow' in terms of tolerance?
But with all your posts, I'm remembering that though all your PA loved ones are not at her school, she's not alone. You guys give me strength and I pass that to her.

NoNutTeen - they actually let your DD enroll as a freshman, living in a dorm without a meal plan? Wow. How difficult was it to get them to agree to that?

Slight divergence: I spoke with the school psychologist just the other day. She said that just from talking to me about how Lauren is doing that she thinks Lauren is doing fine. She said she thinks Lauren is still in natural transition phases. She said she had 6 students in her office that week talking about the same issue. She had 3 phone calls that day (besides me) from parents conerned about their kids feeling isolated. Can't tell if that is CYA or not.  She recommended me to Residence Life and said it was their job to help with the transition. I didn't realize that. Thought they were all about room assignments. Anyway, going to give that a try.

[LaurensMom]

So some good news. School had offered her the opportunity to become part of new program that would somehow teach residents about food allergies. It is way in the beginning stages...not even born yet...but she is thrilled. I like that they really appear to be doing something. I mean, even though there was a mess in the beginning of the school year, it seems as if they really want to learn and move forward.

Very pleased.

[CMdeux]

Oh, I truly hope that this is the beginning of a much BETTER rest of the year, L's mom.   

[PurpleCat]

LaurensMom that is awesome and so positive.  What a better experience for all the students!