In addition to what DN said above you should know this: we have a name for moms like the ones you are dealing with, and that name is
Cupcake QueenCQ for short.
We have certain tools for dealing with CQs: an oar
and a magical bonking wand
However, in reality we do not use them ourselves, because it really is best not to be the go between but to let the school enforce things. One reason is FERPA. The school shouldn't require your child's medical condition to be disclosed. Also, it's tyoically a losing situation when you are out in a position to negotiate your child's accommodatioms with other
parents. it's none of their business and they do not have the understanding of disabikuty law and your child's rights. Nor do they care, as has been sadly shown to you.
There are some things that help that process, including establishing clear guidelines at the beginning of the year. Then the school needs to enforce it.
My son's 504 called for food free rooms in ES and MS. Not that teachers didn't try. Grrrr. In ES, parties were in the cafeteria. In MS when food was used in science, his 504 said it would not contain his allergens. And also that teachers had to give me notice.
The first two years in HS (his school has a huge food culture) his home room--which has snacks every.singlee.Friday (high school!!) was PF. But other classes were not. He had a rxn last year to a kid eating a granola bar across from him, and now there are PF signs for evey class room he has. And it's in his 504.
Now, if a diabetic child also had a 504 and needed for some reason PB, fine. With one child you can out practices in place to keep the room safe. However, with the diabetic children DS has had in his classes, that's not been the case.
About carrying the Epi, DN is right--it's not a mitigating measure. It doesn't change the fact that your child has a life threatening food allergy LTFA. The new ADAA specifically states that medications aren't a mitigating measure and do not "take away" the disability needing accommodations.
However, once you get through this, you may want to reconsider your child carrying it. My son did starting at fourth grade. I wish he had earlier. The Spibelt is great for it. Basically during a reaction, you don't want people running away from your child to go get meds. Having the meds on the child means direct access. Now, we still kept meds in the classroom and the nurse's office. And in MS several scattered throughout the campus (it was huge).
Frankly, we do not worry about may contains being around our child. We worry about does contain being around him. However, these parties should be inclusive. I'm sorry you are dealing with this court full of cupcake queens.
There are a few steps to take in addition to what you asked about.
At this point, it's important to start documenting. Do things by writing as much as possible. Note dates and times of phone calls and summarize them in a notebook.
Remove yourself from the position of negotiating with other parents what your child needs.
Good luck with this. This place can be a very helpful resource for you. Glad you found us'