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Author Topic: Responses to things people should not say  (Read 385 times)

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Offline SilverLining

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Responses to things people should not say
« on: February 13, 2019, 08:35:12 AM »
This is an old article from Allergic Living. As I was reading it, responses were popping in my head. Not all were appropriate. I thought it might be fun to post some responses...serious or funny. Because sometimes I wish I had a response when things were said to me.

https://www.allergicliving.com/2017/02/21/10-things-never-say-someone-food-allergies/

1. I know how you feel.

2. Do you or your husband have food allergies?

3. But he looks so normal!

4. What in the world do you feed that poor kid?

5. I made this for you. It doesn’t have peanuts (or milk, egg, gluten, etc.)

6. He’ll outgrow it, right?

7. They can cure that allergy now. Or: Did you ever try . . . ?

8. He’s going to have to get used to it.

9. I feel so bad for him.

10. God never gives you more than you can handle.

When I was growing up we didn’t call it “Political Correctness”.  We called it things like “manners”, “respect” and “the Golden Rule”. ~~~ Peter

Offline SilverLining

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Re: Responses to things people should not say
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2019, 08:49:05 AM »
1. I know how you feel.

Really? Then tell me....please....

4. What in the world do you feed that poor kid?

Rude parents of his friends.

5. I made this for you. It doesn’t have peanuts (or milk, egg, gluten, etc.)

Honestly, I hate this one because it shows caring, but often ends in anger. I always try to let them know that I appreciate what they have done, but I need to know specific ingredients. Occasionally people understand, but more often they get angry. They say they read all the ingredients. When they double-down, claiming they made sure the products was safe by calling, I ask what company...especially if it’s a product I have never found safe.

7. They can cure that allergy now. Or: Did you ever try . . . ?

I have been living with this for years....but in less than a minute you figured out how to fix it.  ~)

10. God never gives you more than you can handle.

And yet every day people commit suicide.
When I was growing up we didn’t call it “Political Correctness”.  We called it things like “manners”, “respect” and “the Golden Rule”. ~~~ Peter

Offline hedgehog

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Re: Responses to things people should not say
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2019, 11:56:39 AM »
3-- Because he is normal.
USA

Online rebekahc

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Re: Responses to things people should not say
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2019, 01:26:54 PM »
Most of these don't really bother me, which is odd because I tend to go straight for snark/sarcasm in general.

1. I know how you feel. - doesn't bother me even if I doubt they understand - they're just trying to be sympathetic

2. Do you or your husband have food allergies? mostly legit (albeit somewhat invasive question, but doesn't bother me

3. But he looks so normal! these kind of rude comments I tend to ignore, but take my lesson about that person's character

4. What in the world do you feed that poor kid? again, this one doesn't bug me because at one time, DS had clinical reactions to over 30 foods, I often wondered it myself!  If my kid had been PA only, I would have just assumed they were trying to sound relatable/sympathetic and let it go.

5. I made this for you. It doesn’t have peanuts (or milk, egg, gluten, etc.) for something I'm taking with me, I usually say thank you and then just get rid of it at home later.  Luckily, I haven't had too many times where I've had to refuse someone who had tried really hard to make something special for me.  It's sucky when it happens, though.

6. He’ll outgrow it, right? Again, I feel this is a somewhat legit question, so I usually just answer as honestly as I can.

7. They can cure that allergy now. Or: Did you ever try . . . ?  See #6

8. He’s going to have to get used to it. See #3

9. I feel so bad for him. I understand they're trying to be sympathetic

10. God never gives you more than you can handle. I hate platitudes like this, but try to remember it's usually said when the person just doesn't know what else to say and feels the need to say something.

The worst comment I ever had to deal with was when DS's kindergarten teacher (private Christian school) told me that every day in class they would pray that God would heal DS.  Without getting into a theological argument with her about the way I believe God works, I did point out that it was very insensitive of her to constantly point out his medical condition that likely wasn't going to improve any time soon.  I asked her if she would pray every day for an amputee that their leg would grow back?  I told her she needed to find something less disingenuous to pray for.
TX - USA
DS - peanut, tree nut, milk, eggs, corn, soy, several meds, many environmentals. Finally back on Xolair!
DD - mystery anaphylaxis, shellfish.
DH - banana/avocado, aspirin.  Asthma.
Me - peanut, tree nut, shellfish, banana/avocado/latex,  some meds.

Offline hedgehog

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Re: Responses to things people should not say
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2019, 02:17:20 PM »
I just thought of the worst one someone said to me.  I know I posted about it in the place we were at the time.  A guy whose kids were the same ages as mine (and my DD was very close friends with his), trying to be funny when he heard about the danger of cross contamination, said, "You should just give him a peanut and be done with it."  The woman I was standing next to was as shocked as I was, and after he walked away asked whether she was right in thinking he had just suggested I kill my son.
USA

Offline Janelle205

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Re: Responses to things people should not say
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2019, 03:35:49 PM »
So it's only me  :crossed: that has the food allergies, but:

1. I know how you feel. I usually just say something like "Yes, it is unfortunate", because they are just trying to be nice and I am awkward about similar things in conversations with others.

2. Do you or your husband have food allergies?In regards to this, my parents didn't.  If it is someone who is actually interested, I might mention that both of my parents have allergic disease (seasonal allergies, eczema) and that is thought to be related.

3. But he looks so normal! Generally just that 'example' disease doesn't make people look different.  If someone was being a super jerk, they would get my general response for "You don't look disabled", which is "Funny, you didn't look like an a**hole until you opened your mouth."

4. What in the world do you feed that poor kid? Mostly styrofoam, sometimes cardboard.  If someone was actually interested though, I'd be helpful.

5. I made this for you. It doesn’t have peanuts (or milk, egg, gluten, etc.) I'd probably just take it home and send it to work with my husband.

6. He’ll outgrow it, right?At this point, I seem to be growing into it...

7. They can cure that allergy now. Or: Did you ever try . . . ? I've asked my doctor about it, he actually has a research facility in his office, and he doesn't recommend it for me.

8. He’s going to have to get used to it. Doing pretty good at that, thanks.

9. I feel so bad for him. I have to make most foods from scratch and most of them are better than store bought at this point. You don't have to feel bad.

10. God never gives you more than you can handle. Smile and nod.  There isn't anything that I would say that would probably go over well.
Allergic to soy, egg, tomato, apple, cherry, peach, pear, nectarine, canteloupe, watermelon, severe OAS to others, insect bites (severe to horseflies), various drugs, way too many environmental allergens, and asthma.