« Reply #17 on: October 30, 2011, 07:17:19 AM »
Begin page 11, original thread:
(12/15/2009)
Ryansmom:
I try to work things to my advantage, although some will disagree with my methods.
Take CCD, for example, as mentioned above. The last day before Christmas and Easter we skip. It's a "Sleep in, dear Son!" kind of day. I didn't trust anyone to have safe foods, nor did I feel like trying to keep it safe. It's a church, not a public school. I've worked it in the younger years, but have decided to let him stay home on those days if he wants. Now he doesn't not have to attend CCD anymore because it isn't mandatory after Confirmation where we live.
Then last year in 6th grade, there was some Medieval Times kind of trip. The students went to see some big play in NJ and on the way back they stopped at a restaurant for some 7-course dinner. The dinner was one of the highlight of the trip. Considering I've been on every field trip for Ryan since Kindergarten, *I* particularly didn't want to go. The restaurant trip WOULD feel like exclusion to him. The issue for me was that he didn't have to go on the field trip. I didn't want to go on the field trip either. So I asked him point blank, "Do you want to go on the field trip or take a day off from school and go see Star Trek?" Can you guess what he picked? Yep, the movie. He was so thrilled. Just him and me. A mother/son date.
Is this the right thing to do? No. Educationally speaking that is. And I'm a former teacher with two teaching degrees to boot. But it was what HE wanted to do. And we both had a great time. Sometimes, I told him, it's kind of nice having a food allergy . He agreed. It's how we make lemons out of lemonade. The downside? My 3 other kids pestering me why Ryan gets to go to the movies when they never get to miss school like this. I do a headsmack for them. You wouldn't believe how a 17 and 15-year old teen can complain so much. As soon as I remind them, they shut their mouths. They realize they have nothing to complain about.
As Ryan ages, my methodologies on how I deal with food allergies have changed. And he's always been an integral part of the decision-making process. Much less in the younger years, but much more now.
Ryan has always commented through the years how he's glad he has a food allergy (if you can believe it). The reason is because, since he always brings his own food, he always gets what he likes. He never has to eat something that is just so-so or downright gross.
Ryansmom
Things would have been so different for me if it was one of my girls or youngest son that had a food allergy. If any of my children had to have it, Ryan is THE one. I have been very lucky in that respect. Very lucky! His personality makes things so much easier.
And he has the utmost respect for other kids with eating issues. His one friend has celiac. So when Ryan wanted to bring in a treat for his birthday, he chose pudding cups--something his friend could definitely eat. He didn't necessarily choose something he wanted (although he likes pudding), but thought of what everyone could have to celebrate.
ETA...compassion and empathy. I tell ya, it's a wonderful thing!
GingerPye
yeah, my kids tell me occasionally --- sometimes it's good to have FA --- usually this is when a treat is served that they don't like, or the other kids want what my kids are having!
Ryansmom, I think it is fine to stay home on those party/field trip days. I asked DS if he wanted to miss the Valentine party coming up in Feb (we're planning a trip that weekend) --- he does not want to miss it, even though it's a bunch of food that he usually can't have. He wants to be there for the social part of it.
booandbrimom
I know school is not the real world. But at some point my kids are going to have learn the navigate the world themselves. For us, it's a life or death situation. This isn't "Oops, I missed curfew" or "Gee no one told me I would have to pay off the credit card".
It's a part of who they are - whether they like it or not.
Do they offer driver's ed to those who need specialized cars in school - ours never did. Do those kids still need lessons in driving, sure?
You're missing the point. If driving were a fundamental part of the curriculum and there was a way to make a reasonable accommodation for these students, then yes, schools would need to come up with it. Inclusion means inclusion.
My son has had limitless opportunities to practice his food-avoidance skills. I do not believe he would have been less prepared to deal with this if he hadn't always confronted food in schools. Do you really believe your children wouldn't have caught on without cupcakes in schools?
What educational benefit does food in schools have? Other than as a crutch for lazy teachers and a status symbol for Cupcake Queens?
It's the pony in the classroom. By now, we're all used to the pony so no one wants to take it away because all the kids will cry. But really - it has nothing to do with fairness. It's about appropriateness.
How in the world did they learn anything in Little House on the Prairie-type schools? There was no white flour and sugar!
booandbrimom
yeah, my kids tell me occasionally --- sometimes it's good to have FA --- usually this is when a treat is served that they don't like, or the other kids want what my kids are having!
My son's allergic to peas!
mommabridget
As Ryan ages, my methodologies on how I deal with food allergies have changed. And he's always been an integral part of the decision-making process. Much less in the younger years, but much more now.
So very true. What we did in 1st grade is very different to what we do today.
Last Monday we had our Christmas concert and a reception for the director (leaving for Iraq for a year). Nothing safe for DS. Not one thing. We didn't stay long and we took DS out to eat (to a place of his choice) immediately after. He & I would never have expected everything to be safe nor would we have wanted the food portion of the evening to be left off (because of him or not). It is enjoyable for most.
my3guys
And food free would be fabulous, but then I would miss out on the journey DS1 has had to figure out how to make things safe for him in class/life.
Real life, school - it doesn't matter, these are skills he needs to live.
IMHO, we get plenty of opportunities to practice these skills outside of school.
True, but when you let your guard down for a minute that is when things go horribly wrong. Better to keep your radar working 24/7 and not be lulled into a false complacency.
When I say "food-free" classrooms, I'm referring to the bday treats and the holiday treats and the food used as part of lessons, and the food used as rewards. Our school does a few food events a year. I *hope* it provides a little balance and takes some of the bitter taste out of those parent's mouths who really miss food.
Keep in mind they can learn food allergy survival skills every day at lunch and snack time. There was the time in Kindergarten when some yogurt landed on ds' neck. Then this year he leaned into someone's milk that had spilled. We're fortunate he's not contact sensitive to dairy. And then just yesterday a friend who frequently sits with him at the peanut free table sat down yesterday and realized he had peanut butter for lunch. The boys worked it out together. I still don't think our kids need to learn this lesson with every birthday, and every celebration the school can dream up. They learn quickly how to deal with food situations, and again, the practice every day at snack and lunch.
Full disclosure here: I played a very small part in the school's policy. The school was more than willing on their own, and other parents chimed in too. I have no idea what I would have done if the school gave me a problem with reducing the amount of food. I'm not trying to push people to advocate one way or another, just giving our experience.
And Ryan's mom: we do some of the same things you mention. I let ds skip school wide ice cream day and we do something special together. He gets extra treats and toys on Halloween and things like that. Look at that, we agree again. 
Tabicat
I will take issue however with the parent of a food allergic child who brings food for everyone who is not all inclusive. Actually I'm for food free classrooms and expect parentsof allergic children topull that off when possible.
Sometimes though we find ourselves in a no win situationand just have to work to make the best of it as we are able. That or a expect a scorched earth policy to be the order of the day.
I don't have any respect for martyrs. It's a cop out.
And the fact some of us won't crucify a parent who would allow their own child to have not the exact same treat as the others doesn't mean we are moraly ethically reprobate in that regard either. I don't suppose my way to parent is the only appropriate way either.
I could get the hang of this touchscreen if it just moved faster.
See I'm about here.
I would LOVE both as a parent and a teacher to see all non food Birthdays and other celebrations for multiple reasons but I have to live and work in the realities of now, try my very best to make what food does occur as safe as possible I would much prefer that he get another treat than none when everyone else is eating. I don't see that him getting another treat is exclusion.
Edited to add:
I would LOVE for B-day parties to NOT occur at school.
my3guys
Sorry one more thought....
YKW asked elsewhere if we try to make family events outside of our home safe for ds. Nope. I bring his food. I don't expect school wide events happening outside of the school day to be safe either. We either skip them or bring his own food.
I'm speaking solely about food consumed during the school day when my ds is in the care of his 1 teacher surrounded by a minimum of 19 other students.
Tabicat
I know school is not the real world. But at some point my kids are going to have learn the navigate the world themselves. For us, it's a life or death situation. This isn't "Oops, I missed curfew" or "Gee no one told me I would have to pay off the credit card".
It's a part of who they are - whether they like it or not.
Do they offer driver's ed to those who need specialized cars in school - ours never did. Do those kids still need lessons in driving, sure?
What are they going to do for work? When they have lunch meetings or conferences? Only a few of us are in a position to change those. Yes, I understand someone with inhalation allergies to seafood won't be hitting Red Lobster, but there are other options out there. You figure out a way to cater it safely.
What about social events? Do I want my child to miss out on prom because a meal is involved? No, I want him to know there are ways to navigate around it. Okay, going to Subway isn't the best option out there for him but there are plenty of other options on the table.
Again, it's what having mfa's have made me wrap my head around. Yeah it's great for those who have rules in place for prepared foods only (can only think on one hand those that are safe for one child that most children would enjoy). And food free would be fabulous, but then I would miss out on the journey DS1 has had to figure out how to make things safe for him in class/life.
Real life, school - it doesn't matter, these are skills he needs to live.
I get you. We learn more skills for the real world at school than, reading and writing. There is alot of talk about whether school is the real world. Well I see it as this.
It is the transition between our protected home life and the real world. I think it was Rachel that wrote about the safety net.
In my view there have to be rules that provide that safety net but not to the point that there is no need to develop survival skills. I am not strictly speaking about food allergy here either but the broader picture of special needs.
Tabicat
Wow! This post has given me so much to think about . . .
I fought for my 4 y.o. to have a separate allergen-free table. She has MLTFA and has a history of severe reactions to very tiny amounts. I was terrified she would accidentally ingest a crumb of another student's lunch and end up in anaphylaxis. She also has asthma, so I am even more concerned about preventing accidental ingestion of her allergens. Some folks here are saying they regret the separate tables. But I'm curious how they handled the safety aspect then? I just don't know how else to keep her safe.
While lunch is simply part of my DD's program, serving cr*p (cupcakes, candy, cookies, etc.) seems very irresponsible from a PUBLIC HEALTH PERSPECTIVE. The U.S. has a childhood obesity epidemic. Children are getting obesity-related conditions/illnesses, previously a rarity in children, in droves. What about augmenting the food exclusion efforts by thumping-on-the-public=health-handbook about how irresponsible it is for the schools to contribute to this epidemic? I understand some districts are increasingly banning cupcakes, etc., based on the childhood obesity epidemic. From my experience, walking in with handouts from the CDC, armed with statistics, etc., as opposed to simply reciting hte difficulty of childhood obesity is more effective.
Tracking back to earlier thoughts, hopechapel raised a very good issue, I thought. How many of these conversations about food allergies occur in front of our children and what is the impact on them? My DD is very concerned about her food allergies. She shoves labels in my face and demands that I read them.
The Childhood Obesity lead to significant restrictions here in Texas. I was teaching at the time and you would have thought they told us to starve the kids but people have settled down now though I see a lot of loopholes. I think over time it will lead to even greater restriction. For now I do what I can with what I have.
Momcat
And food free would be fabulous, but then I would miss out on the journey DS1 has had to figure out how to make things safe for him in class/life.
Real life, school - it doesn't matter, these are skills he needs to live.
IMHO, we get plenty of opportunities to practice these skills outside of school.
True, but when you let your guard down for a minute that is when things go horribly wrong. Better to keep your radar working 24/7 and not be lulled into a false complacency.
I don't think that being in a safe school environment leads to complacency (false or otherwise). We mitigate hazards in school all the time... is that making all the kids complacent? Kids with LTMFA deserve no less safety than anyone else.
Stinky6
dont have to time to catch up...just read the last page and wanted to mention that two bldgs that I frequent....for a large well known company - have signs on them forbidding allergens.....one is a Latex warning.....and one is for all strong perfumes/scents
Arkadia
I will take issue however with the parent of a food allergic child who brings food for everyone who is not all inclusive. Actually I'm for food free classrooms and expect parents of allergic children to pull that off when possible.
Sometimes though we find ourselves in a no win situation and just have to work to make the best of it as we are able. That or a expect a scorched earth policy to be the order of the day.
I re-read the other thread. To clarify, are you saying that a scorched earth policy is no food at all? That food-free classrooms are just one aspect-- that if one argues for food-free classrooms then one may receive a no-food-anywhere response?
do you remember the other Unrambling thread at the other allergy site? You'd have to read that too. It's a big picture thing. You know, when you look at several years and the tug of war back and forth.
I had an epiphany during it. Sometimes, in the middle of this, you wonder if it's just you. If you're short a few stiches in the seams.
I know I'm not. Because really, if you read those exchanges between the school, myself, the super, the hotlunch queens, you begin to understand just what is at stake, and my dear Gail, I sincerely doubt the mental stability of anyone willing to pull out the last drop of good will supporting their children, their special needs children, in the school community.
Yes, I believe in that "working with" type of way. That we don't hold each other over the pyre built with the scorecard otherwise known as "the letter of the law". When we politely, and without implying indebtedness to us, cut people a break. Because WE ALL need to be cut a break now and then. To say we never do is an outright lie.
Over the years, I have come to believe strictly unwaivering literal interpretation of each and ever stanza of our lives is a flaw.
That it is infantile, and lacking a dimension. That it's use is limited to the confines of cold and indifferent statistical analysis and of little use were flesh and bone prevail.
Sure. Food free classroom, but believe you me, there will be exceptions.
there's a flaming hot cheetos experiment in my son's science class this week. It's going to be ignited. The kids are very excited about it, and truthfully, I think it's a very effective, and creative way to demonstrate thermal energy to a bunch of snack freak eigth graders. <shrug> Nothing "lazy" at all about it. That's just infammatory non-constructive language, if you ask me.
I've encountered enough people who unjustly cop attitudes with our staff and who malign healthcare professionals and I can say with confidence that most of them are either grossly under/mis-informed or just gnarly people who like to be handled with kid gloves.
Pretentious people who want people walking on eggshells around them, and let me tell you, nitpicking staff demoralizes them an undoubtedly puts a wall up that lowers the quality of care patient's recieve. It's not a conscious decision, it's just what happens when you have to overcome that type of attitude.
I'm not saying that's the case here, I just want OP's to know what feelings slinging around such cliche' language invokes in other service oriented professions.
Anyways, the cheetos. I'm okay with it, despite an edict in the IEP that calls for "food free" classrooms, and as far as I can tell there are no other parents who have an issue with it. And if they do, they haven't bitched loud enough I know who they are. And believe me, people KNEW who I was.
But I digress.
Earlier in the year, a science class used gummy bears, and I've told them before there are no safe gummies, so I think that's why they are using Cheetos. <shrug>
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« Last Edit: March 12, 2013, 06:09:46 AM by ajasfolks2 »
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Is this where I blame iPhone and cuss like an old fighter pilot's wife?
**(&%@@&%$^%$#^%$#$*& LOL!!
Topic: More on Exclusion ... (notnutty) <18-page thread reconstruct in progress> (Read 8647 times)