I like to use "I'm confused" statements in order to get "clarification" when someone tries to pull this kind of crap with me.
For example, in response to "we can't control... blah-blah-blah";
"I'm confused-- are you telling me that you lack the authority and ability to control student behavior at school-sanctioned events?? <pregnant pause>
Wow. How do you prohibit inappropriate activities like smoking, then?
<pause again>
Or is it that you just don't want to? There seems to me to be a difference between 'can't' and 'won't' here." Another approach is a sunny
"Oh, I just KNOW that would never happen," (meaning intimidation or the creation of a hostile learning environment due to releasing your child's private medical information)
"because I'm sure that everyone in this room-- everyone who would need to have the information about my child, in fact-- would NEVER gossip about my child's privatemedical information like that. So how would all these parents know, hmmm? I'm sure that won't be a problem. Unless there is something else that you aren't telling me, I mean. Is there?"The hard-line approach, of course, is to suggest none-too-gently that what you are hearing IS harrassment and intimidation already. Which it is, of course-- but you want to play a long game here, if you'll pardon the euphemism. I personally think it is best to remain "the calm one," which you've done ADMIRABLY at so far. Not bursting into tears in the face of such a meeting is quite a feat, really.
You should be proud of yourself.
Being calm means simply being an immovable force in this context. Know the law, know what your child's rights are, and KNOW that you
will win. Because you are in the right.
Making a child's medical condition the scapegoat for undesirable changes in schools is-- WRONG. Illegal in no uncertain terms. If they wouldn't announce "No more climbing wall during PE for the first through third graders, since John in Mrs. Smith's room has Juvenile RA, so it's off-limits for him," then they shouldn't be
announcing blaming a child as an explanation why there won't be a (food project) either.
Threatening to release a child's federally-protected, private medical information is BAD. My school tried this tactic with me once, too. I told them to call their attorneys and talk that one over. And I laughed. I also pointed out that they were basically
threatening to tell EVERY IGNORANT PARENT who found out about it precisely how to KILL my daughter. I don't take that risk, because all it takes is one person who is both completely ignorant, over-confident that it's an exaggeration, and also a bit indignant over changes to things to render that situation deadly. Yeah, what are the odds, right? Not too many of THOSE people around.
This message sunk in, apparently. Because that was the last time that I was "encouraged" to "share" about the specifics of my daughter's food allergies with all and sundry, and it was the last time that handwashing and food restrictions at events were "blamed" on them, too.