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Author Topic: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>  (Read 18406 times)

Description: I'm assuming this means elementary.

Offline Arkadia

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http://www.foodallergy.org/page/last-minute-reminders-for-valentines-day-classroom-parties

Quote
•Call the room parent or teacher (whoever is taking the lead on organizing the party) to remind them about your child’s food allergies and discuss how your child can participate in the event equally alongside his/her classmates. 
•Reinforce safety rules with your child about not accepting foods that have not been cleared by you or another designated adult.
•Remind your child not to open any Valentine’s Day candies from classmates.
•If it’s not too late, suggest some games and easy crafts that can be done during the party in lieu of eating food in the classroom.
•Work out a plan with your child’s teacher to have students wash their hands and/or use wipes after handling food. Send in extra wipes for the teacher to have on hand for students to use if they eat foods that contain your child’s allergen.


Enabler much?
just tell me: "Hey, a***ole, you hurt my feelings!"

Offline Arkadia

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2012, 08:39:55 AM »
Code: [Select]
Call the room parent

oh, f***. I was at a planning meeting this week, I don't have a food allergic child in the class, and the uncomfortable silence I got suggesting that maybe "strawberry flavored" sodas being used (sugar anyone?wellness policies?a child with RED FOOD DYE ALLERGIES) in the class (and peanut allergic) might not be a good idea was proof enough talking to "room parents" is a lost cause.

I've been down that road before, with my older son and his allergies, and the principal was present, and I GOT SQUAT. Save for the eye rolls.

I did ask however what would become of candies and um....bakery style trays of cupcakes delivered on valentines day by parents not involved in party planning.

I had to fish it out, but managed to reel in a "they will be sent home".  I'll try to clarify if that means in backpacks.  ~)
just tell me: "Hey, a***ole, you hurt my feelings!"

Offline Arkadia

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2012, 08:51:40 AM »
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Reinforce safety rules with your child

fine, but it's the adults I generally find need reinforcing. At at young ages, recent deaths (Virginia girl) show this is not foolproof. My son almost died in kinder as a result of another child lying to him about the ingredients and pressuring him into eating a "cheese cracker" that was actually a peanut butter flavored keebler. In younger grades there needs to be some oversight, or broad education. For everyone in a classroom with children at risk.

No quoting:  at that meeting this week I tried to reinforce the idea that the classroom had milk, peanut, and red dye food allergies, and that maybe a food free party was in order, but egads.....it won't be valentines day without punch and hot chocolate.  :misspeak: I was assigned prizes, because of course, I'm the only parent in the group with a child with food allergies. I'm getting a few COOL!! prizes for the food allergic children, FOR SURE.

I have this creepy feeling PINK HOT CHOCOLATE is going to show up valentines day. Yup. It exists. Because you know, it would exclude those with peanut, red dye, and milk allergies in one fell swoop.
just tell me: "Hey, a***ole, you hurt my feelings!"

Offline Arkadia

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2012, 09:30:26 AM »
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If it’s not too late,
editor miss a deadline, or is this really that last minute afterthought CYA?
just tell me: "Hey, a***ole, you hurt my feelings!"

Offline maeve

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2012, 11:47:59 AM »
Code: [Select]
Call the room parent

oh, f***. I was at a planning meeting this week, I don't have a food allergic child in the class, and the uncomfortable silence I got suggesting that maybe "strawberry flavored" sodas being used (sugar anyone?wellness policies?a child with RED FOOD DYE ALLERGIES) in the class (and peanut allergic) might not be a good idea was proof enough talking to "room parents" is a lost cause.

I've been down that road before, with my older son and his allergies, and the principal was present, and I GOT SQUAT. Save for the eye rolls.

I did ask however what would become of candies and um....bakery style trays of cupcakes delivered on valentines day by parents not involved in party planning.

I had to fish it out, but managed to reel in a "they will be sent home".  I'll try to clarify if that means in backpacks.  ~)

I think the main issue I have with that is that they are suggesting that you forgo  your child's right to medical privacy for the sake of a) a class party and b) making it easier for the teacher and other parents.  I, unfortunately, made that mistake early in my child's educational career and it haunts you in so many ways.  It's a shame that FAAN isn't up to snuff on the civil rights and privacy laws protecting school age children.
"Oh, I'm such an unholy mess of a girl."

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DD allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and egg; OAS to cantaloupe and cucumber

Offline Mfamom

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2012, 12:27:16 PM »
yes and I hate it when the protocol becomes call the allergic kid's parents and check with them.  That's where things seem to go south. 
Then, it becomes the parents of kids with allergies being the bad guy plus seeming to be "in charge".

They should handle this from nurse to parents or nurse to teacher to parents. 
When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them.  The First Time.


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Offline Arkadia

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2012, 01:07:46 PM »
yes and I hate it when the protocol becomes call the allergic kid's parents and check with them.  That's where things seem to go south. 
Then, it becomes the parents of kids with allergies being the bad guy plus seeming to be "in charge".

They should handle this from nurse to parents or nurse to teacher to parents.

Oh I still remember with unrestrained glee you flinging those errant homemade brownies into the Gar-Bage.

I plan on keeping that move in my back pocket. WHOOSH. Gone.

"MFAmom Maneuver"
just tell me: "Hey, a***ole, you hurt my feelings!"

Offline Janelle205

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2012, 01:15:32 PM »
yes and I hate it when the protocol becomes call the allergic kid's parents and check with them.  That's where things seem to go south. 
Then, it becomes the parents of kids with allergies being the bad guy plus seeming to be "in charge".

They should handle this from nurse to parents or nurse to teacher to parents. 

Agreed - if the school wants to allow a food fest, then they need to do the legwork - not pass it off on someone else.

I'm so glad that the daycare that I work at tells parents what they need to avoid for our rare treat days.  Even though we don't allow apple items, the director has never told a parent to come ask me what to get - though she has asked me to recommend a brand to her so that she could pass it along to a parent. 


That being said, I am lucky in that the few parents that do know that I'm the allergic one have been extremely kind and accommodating to me.  The kids are as well - one told his mom that they had to get the right kind of popsicles because otherwise I would get sick and have to give myself a shot.

Offline CMdeux

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2012, 01:37:08 PM »
Mind-boggling.


For all of the above reasons and probably more.   :disappointed:

"It just wouldn't be {fill-in-the-occasion} without...."

without WHAT, exactly?

the need for grief counselors or litigation in the aftermath??

extensive counseling for children to mitigate psychological damage??

Or is it just about the exclusion, embarrassment, and ALIENATION in the moment?


My personal favorite may just be the half-a$$ed statement:

Quote
If it’s not too late, suggest some games and easy crafts that can be done during the party in lieu of eating food in the classroom.

You know, but only if it's "not too late."  Yeah, if they've already planned out how to endanger your child without bothering to consult you, best to just let it go...  and heaven forbid that you do more than offer any friendly "suggestions" for alternatives.  Don't be bossy.  Be NICE.  Above all, let other people do exactly as they please, even if it means extreme risk or fear for your child and even if it means that you have to do economically crippling things to accomodate them.  Yup... if the other classroom parents want to do things that way, why... why aren't you just THERE for the day?  What?  All day, every day?  Of course... if you really cared about your kid and didn't just want everyone else to take on your :problems: for you (oh BARF)... you'd just quit your job so that you could take care of your own responsibilities... other parents can do as they damned well please without giving it another thought.  Yes, loving and responsible parents, apparently, must.... um.... be the ones homeschooling their children so that nobody else has to interact with them in the first place...  since asking schools to please, just... not do stuff that is LIKELY to result in death or permanent injury... yeah, apparently parents are supposed to act as 24/7 watchdogs for this sort of thing.  By being present all the time, evidently, ready to simply remove our kids if the risk is too high.

  Just in case someone else gets a wild hair to do something that anyone with the IQ of a grapefruit could see was collossally stupid and likely to end in disaster?? 


AUGHHHHHHHH....  But really, that is the subtext with that statement.

SERIOUSLY??

 :rant: :dunce: :paddle:
« Last Edit: February 02, 2012, 01:47:13 PM by CMdeux »
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Online YouKnowWho

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2012, 06:14:27 PM »
But haven't you heard?  Teachers have no control over the roommom's - it is entirely up to two randomly picked (achoo bs) "ladies" to be in charge.   And really, if it is a financial hardship to you to pay your part for the class party AND provide safe treats, then maybe your child should sit out.  And then there is the whole well we know your child has allergies but they are so good about them, they don't mind sitting out.
DS1 - Wheat, rye, barley and egg
DS2 - peanuts
DD -  tree nuts, soy and sunflower
Me - bananas, eggplant, many drugs
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Offline lakeswimr

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2012, 07:25:08 PM »
There is not supposed to be any food for VD this year and the teacher said she would send home a note telling people to not send candy in cards.  I am still practicing with DS what to do in case food does get sent in and served and in case he gets cards with candy, especially candy that he thinks is safe.  (He is not to eat any of it until he brings it home and we check the label together.)  I think practicing this is very important.  Last party I attended the other FA child was eating candy when I walked in.  DS had the same candy in his bag.  Teacher had passed it out without checking with me.  Thankfully it was allergy-free for both FA kids but it shows that teaching DS not to eat it no matter what is very important because mistakes happen.  Yes, I talked with the teacher about this *in depth* twice. 

Offline lakeswimr

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2012, 07:28:27 PM »
Bossy or nice hasn't made much difference with the small group who are so into baking at my son's school. They just want what they want and it has nothing to do with me, my son, my son's safety, how nicely or assertively I talk with them or even if they like me or even if they are my friend.  They like those cupcakes so very much it is mind boggling.  At least once a year since DS started school I have felt like my head would explode over this!  I have tried to see things from their point of view but I just can't.  One friend I spoke with and told that it feels they think that a cupcake is more important than DS's life said, it isn't that.  It is that their image of what they want for their child is more important than my child to them.  They aren't thinking about life or death.  So, maybe it isn't *as* selfish as it seems.  I don't know.  I can only hope that I would not be acting that way if roles were reversed.  I'm very sorry, Ark. 

Offline lakeswimr

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2012, 07:33:51 PM »
I am realizing that there are a lot of people who think that if we don't have a certain food at a party that it isn't a party.  Once year it was ranch dressing (no safe ranch dressing for dairy-allergic kids).  She was so insistent on it.  I didn't really get it.  It was that her child was taught you have to eat a healthy food at parties and the only veggies she would eat would only get eaten with ranch dressing--therefore we HAD to have ranch dressing.  another year it was cheese puffs--HAD to have them.  This year the other parent wanted cheese and salami.  The teacher wanted specific things.  We had friends who wanted dip for chips on new years at our house.  I said, "thank you but we have the food covered."  I put out a huge spread and they seemed happy but they would have REALLY liked that dip to be there.  It really means something to them.  I can kind of see it.  Hanukkah without latkes.  Thanksgiving with pizza instead of traditional foods.  I can see that.  But I can't see it fully enough to get the cupcake mothers. 

Mind-boggling.


For all of the above reasons and probably more.   :disappointed:

"It just wouldn't be {fill-in-the-occasion} without...."

without WHAT, exactly?

the need for grief counselors or litigation in the aftermath??

extensive counseling for children to mitigate psychological damage??

Or is it just about the exclusion, embarrassment, and ALIENATION in the moment?


My personal favorite may just be the half-a$$ed statement:

Quote
If it’s not too late, suggest some games and easy crafts that can be done during the party in lieu of eating food in the classroom.

You know, but only if it's "not too late."  Yeah, if they've already planned out how to endanger your child without bothering to consult you, best to just let it go...  and heaven forbid that you do more than offer any friendly "suggestions" for alternatives.  Don't be bossy.  Be NICE.  Above all, let other people do exactly as they please, even if it means extreme risk or fear for your child and even if it means that you have to do economically crippling things to accomodate them.  Yup... if the other classroom parents want to do things that way, why... why aren't you just THERE for the day?  What?  All day, every day?  Of course... if you really cared about your kid and didn't just want everyone else to take on your :problems: for you (oh BARF)... you'd just quit your job so that you could take care of your own responsibilities... other parents can do as they damned well please without giving it another thought.  Yes, loving and responsible parents, apparently, must.... um.... be the ones homeschooling their children so that nobody else has to interact with them in the first place...  since asking schools to please, just... not do stuff that is LIKELY to result in death or permanent injury... yeah, apparently parents are supposed to act as 24/7 watchdogs for this sort of thing.  By being present all the time, evidently, ready to simply remove our kids if the risk is too high.

  Just in case someone else gets a wild hair to do something that anyone with the IQ of a grapefruit could see was collossally stupid and likely to end in disaster?? 


AUGHHHHHHHH....  But really, that is the subtext with that statement.

SERIOUSLY??

 :rant: :dunce: :paddle:

Offline CMdeux

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2012, 07:58:37 PM »
Bossy or nice hasn't made much difference with the small group who are so into baking at my son's school. They just want what they want and it has nothing to do with me, my son, my son's safety, how nicely or assertively I talk with them or even if they like me or even if they are my friend.  They like those cupcakes so very much it is mind boggling.  At least once a year since DS started school I have felt like my head would explode over this!  I have tried to see things from their point of view but I just can't.  One friend I spoke with and told that it feels they think that a cupcake is more important than DS's life said, it isn't that. It is that their image of what they want for their child is more important than my child to them.  They aren't thinking about life or death.  So, maybe it isn't *as* selfish as it seems.  I don't know.  I can only hope that I would not be acting that way if roles were reversed.  I'm very sorry, Ark.

I really do think this is accurate.  It's just that when you isolate that particular statement, add in the fact that this often isn't even about "inclusion" so much as choices that pose a real and unacceptably high risk of death or serious injury to our children...

well, I hope that this is because they "don't get" what "life-threatening food allergy" means.  I am not sure how that is even possible in some cases I can readily bring to mind, since they make all the right noises during "education" on the subject... I suppose that they are simply tuning it all out in favor of what they (ignorantly, mostly) "already know" about it.  But I digress.

  If they DO really understand, then that pretty much takes the cake in terms of selfish statements, when you think about it...

I wasn't thinking about YOUR child with the known seizure disorder.  I was just thinking about how much fun it would be for my child to play with the laser strobe light during show-and-tell.

What classroom DOESN'T look forward to a surprise visit from a whole litter of KITTENS??  I never thought about your child's cat allergy and asthma, even though the teacher sent home reminders about no pets.

I just thought it would be fun for my child to build a skateboard run on the wheelchair ramp.  I wasn't thinking about your child at all.


Okay, just to clarify, I cannot BEGIN to wrap my head around "fun" for my own kid trumping concern for not causing physical pain, distress, humiliation or actual harm to another person's child at the same time.  Can't go there.  (Which is, I think, what Lakeswimr was also saying.)  :disappointed:
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Offline eggallergymom

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Re: FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2012, 08:17:23 PM »
Bossy or nice hasn't made much difference with the small group who are so into baking at my son's school. They just want what they want and it has nothing to do with me, my son, my son's safety, how nicely or assertively I talk with them or even if they like me or even if they are my friend.  They like those cupcakes so very much it is mind boggling.  At least once a year since DS started school I have felt like my head would explode over this!  I have tried to see things from their point of view but I just can't.  One friend I spoke with and told that it feels they think that a cupcake is more important than DS's life said, it isn't that.  It is that their image of what they want for their child is more important than my child to them.  They aren't thinking about life or death.  So, maybe it isn't *as* selfish as it seems.  I don't know.  I can only hope that I would not be acting that way if roles were reversed.  I'm very sorry, Ark.

This has been our experience as well. Our school principal has already sent home a letter warning parents that any candy or baked goods sent in for the Valentine's Day party will not be distributed, but they'll send them in anyway. I can guarantee that there will be kids bringing in valentines with lollipops or candy hearts attached, and they'll "get by" the teachers. My DD's teacher has done a good job running interference with the parents in her room. She told me that a mom was livid at the winter holiday party because the teacher refused to distribute goody bags that included candy canes to the kids. This woman argued and argued with the teacher that "candy canes aren't food!!" Really? So what do YOU do with a candy cane?  ~)  I'd like to believe these people are just ignorant--that they don't know that my daughter could die if she eats the wrong food--but I just don't think they care. It's horrible that I've reached that conclusion, but the last year has been, ahem, enlightening.
DD-age 9, LTFA to eggs, seasonal allergies, mild allergic asthma