FAAN recommendations for Valentines Day School Parties <roll eyes>

[CMdeux]

Oh crap. im the party mom slash nurse slash mom of a fa child, huh?

 

Thanks-- that made me chuckle this morning.

Sorry that this other person is being such a butthead.

[Arkadia]

I think FAAN needs to make a formal retraction.  id like it in 36 pt font.

[CMdeux]

<snort>

  Owwwwwwww...  You should have warned me.

[Arkadia]

How does this sound as a reply to yesterday's email?

"Although I'd LOVE to think our support group was instrumental in FAAN's decision to rescind advice instructing parents of food allergic children to deal with other room parents in obtaining accommodations/empathy related to class celebrations, and specifically, Valentine's Day, I am almost certain your highly visible recap was influential.



HUGS and KISSES!


<THAT MOM>"

complete with before and after and links to FAAN's page....

[lakeswimr]

36 font?  You offended *her*? 

How about being very upfront and just telling her that you would like not only this party but ALL food events to be safe and fully inclusive for all the children in the classroom.  You do NOT want ice cream to be served because it leaves out the child with milk allergies and the child with peanut allergies.  You would rather all the children have the SAME treat and list a bunch that are allergy-free.  Tell them you would be willing to be the one to provide the treat (if that is the case.)  Why not ask for what you want very bluntly and directly?  I'm not sure that you haven't but reading this thread it doesn't sound like it. 

[maeve]

OK...I'm going to put this out there because it's been rattling around in my head since the story about the 7-year-old in Omaha was posted:  I don't think food will be pulled from classrooms until the family of an allergic child who is injured sues the school and party planning moms.  Personally, if my child required expensive medical care and potentially long-term care in a rehab center because of hypoxia caused by a reaction, I would sue all involved for at least the cost of care.  I'm not normally a sue-happy person, but it seems that despite my best due diligence that food that shouldn't be in the classroom shows up.  I honestly don't think that until non-FA families realize that their own pocketbooks could be affected because they had to push for crap food to be served in a class, that things won't change.  They just don't think they have any liability in the situation.

Im the mom slash nurse at the party.

how do you think that makes me feel?

But no....truly (i was jazzing you maeve, you didnt make me feel bad) my motivation is inclusion.  as a playdate mom ive always been a bit on the obsessive side people are made to feel welcome and treated with special consideration.  my father taught me it was a personal humiliation to be inhospitable or cause a guest distress.  call it a Greek. overly friendly thing. Im sick over this party.   

im embarrased for the party mom.its shameful. 

yes to maeve on once theyve gotten a taste of an inclusive fa party room  mom.  im pretty much box office poison and while i was pleasantly surprised my request to volunteer was finally taken to task cant for the life of me figure out how i slipped past the powers that be.  im going to run the party plans past the school
Nurse just so she is aware of the risk on her shift.  ill tell her in person today and remind her eith an email " paper trail". 

I just saw this now.  I knew your were kidding when I read your last post.  I also didn't want to insinuate anything with the nurse post.  I guess I still get a little surprised how individuals with medical training can be more "relaxed" in dealing with food allergies. 

Anyway, good luck with planning this party.  I don't envy you.  I do love how you are doing your best to get inclusion.  Oh, I can completely agree with your statement about being the type of person who ensures playdates, etc. are inclusive and being raised that way.  I was raised the same way.  It's unfortunate that others were not or have turned their backs on those lessons.

[becca]

Code: [Select]

Call the room parent

oh, f***. I was at a planning meeting this week, I don't have a food allergic child in the class, and the uncomfortable silence I got suggesting that maybe "strawberry flavored" sodas being used (sugar anyone?wellness policies?a child with RED FOOD DYE ALLERGIES) in the class (and peanut allergic) might not be a good idea was proof enough talking to "room parents" is a lost cause.

I've been down that road before, with my older son and his allergies, and the principal was present, and I GOT SQUAT. Save for the eye rolls.

I did ask however what would become of candies and um....bakery style trays of cupcakes delivered on valentines day by parents not involved in party planning.

I had to fish it out, but managed to reel in a "they will be sent home".  I'll try to clarify if that means in backpacks. 

I think the main issue I have with that is that they are suggesting that you forgo  your child's right to medical privacy for the sake of a) a class party and b) making it easier for the teacher and other parents.  I, unfortunately, made that mistake early in my child's educational career and it haunts you in so many ways.  It's a shame that FAAN isn't up to snuff on the civil rights and privacy laws protecting school age children.

This. 

[becca]

yes and I hate it when the protocol becomes call the allergic kid's parents and check with them.  That's where things seem to go south. 
Then, it becomes the parents of kids with allergies being the bad guy plus seeming to be "in charge".

They should handle this from nurse to parents or nurse to teacher to parents. 

And this!

[ajasfolks2]

REFUSE TO ENABLE THE FOOD USE!!

FORCE THEM TO DO ALTERNATIVE NONFOOD EVENT . . .

THEY WILL FLINCH.  WE NEED TO STOP FLINCHING!!

[rainbow]

I'm glad FAAN changed that about the suggestion to contact the class moms. Often, that doesn't go well because these Cupcake Queens want to have what THEY want (baked goods) which are unsafe for children with food allergies.  And they will steamroll that agenda, e.g., "Valentine Cookies are fine for your allergic child, riiiigghttt?  They are going to be sooooo cute!" (with fake smile and doesn't want response other than affirmative from allergy parent).  Or, "Well, YOU are bringing something else for your allergic kid (so we can do anything we want), righhhht?"  Or, "We are sooooo excited about playing Bingo with M&M's!!!"  Then if allergy parent says "Actually, M&M's aren''t safe for peanut allergy" - - response is something like, "But so-and-so with PA eats them!"  or "Ohhhh well I don't know whhhhhaattt we could do then!...."  Then you go to the teacher, explain risks, changes are implemented (sometimes, that's IF you have a teacher that gets it and IF you've negotiated a 504 Plan (and most allergy parents don't have one!!)  -- and the Class Moms don't talk to you for the rest of the year (and nor do their friends and other PTO moms!!).  And, they proceed to isolate you for the rest of elementary school.  All for wanting safe snacks.  The kids don't care (young kids are happy with any snack!), it's the PTO MOMS!!!!!!   
[Note: MOST allergic children just eat the baked goods because their parent is in denial and/or they don't want to make any waves with PTO or staff].


Does FAAN read here -- (or did someone write to them)?  Are you listening? -- Because that's how those conversations usually go -- and they isolate the allergy parent/child.  SCHOOL STAFF needs to be more proactive in setting guidlelines for food and/or eliminating/minimizing food.  Did you hear about the 7yo that took a bite of the wrong food during a party (Omaha), was in a coma and life saved with ECMO (lung bypass) machine -- which most hospitals don't even have?!!!

I wish FAAN would be more assertive and explain the RISK of cross contamination and hidden ingredients.  Baked goods are notoriously unsafe.  Reference Dr. Wood's cookie story:

http://drrobertwood.com/myanaphylaxis.shtml

Perhaps FAAN could work with Dr. Wood to share his story on their website or in their recommendations. 

[rainbow]

I actually had a mom recently try to tell me that SHE had contacted a friend that works for M&M/Mars (food scientist) to discuss safety of M&M's with them. The M&M employee said they are "safe for peanut allergies" because they "scrub the room" between production runs.  So this mom (who happens to be a Chemist, Phd, very smart) actually tried to argue with me about why I don't let my kid eat M&M's!! 

I just said, "Well they aren't labeling such that they are confident their product is nut-free --- so if they are not confident and have to put a nut warning on their label --  then I'M not confident it is safe, and I'm not going to buy that product or feed it to my severly peanut/treenut allergic child."  Plus, I know M&M's have indeed been XC in past b/c I know there used to be reactions (this was a number of years ago, but how would *i* know they've fixed this problem?!)

This was when dropping my DS off at a small party where they were making sundaes -- and it is one of his best friends -- arrghhh.  I left him only b/c I know she is very smart and would not go against my wishes.  I told her that it is stressful enough managing these situations but when people argue what is safe for MY child, not having to manage a PA/TNA child themselves, it makes it even tougher! 


(will delete later - no quoting please)

[lakeswimr]

You are right, Rainbow--at least as far as my situation goes.  I have had that type of experience with other mothers.  I would LOVE if someone would write an article about this topic that got published in some magazine that was something that those who do not have a child with food allergies could hear and that would convince them to be more compassionate.  I haven't ever seen an article on this topic like that.  I wonder why the other parents can not see our POV or do not care about it.  I *think* I would not act the way I have seen others act.  I am not certain but I *think* I would be the one who wanted to be inclusive to all.  Then again, I"m not super into baking or parties, or food at school and was not even before all this.  What I do know and what I try to remember is that even people I know who are nice people, who are my friends, have a great attachment to food being a certain way at kids' parties.  Those closest to me have changed their pov on this topic thanks to me and DS but most did not start out nearly so understanding.  I don't think being this way means they are such horrible people even though it can certainly feel that way.  Sometimes it is a sign of extreme selfishness but sometimes it is just that they haven't really thought things through yet.  I don't know.  I can't get past wanting to do things that would leave out my child in a way that I know they would not want for their own child.  It is hard to see past that, anyway.  Some people who were most difficult in my life with regard to FAs are now my biggest supporters.  Some are not, though. 

[rainbow]

Agree - that would be a great idea for an article.  Maybe Gina Clowes can write one.  Or maybe FAAN can start to research these psychological issues.  Does FAAN realize how difficult the Class Moms can be, and how difficult Principals can be?!!! Or what the 504 process is *really* like?  The principal stonewalling, telling you it's not necessary, delaying, trying to do anything to convince you not to get one, then having to give you one because it's the LAW but making it a difficult process to obtain appropriate (safe and inclusive) accomodations.  All the while knowing the parent is being reasonable and appropriate, but they just don't want anything documented because all they care about is themself in the process.

I remember one conversation in Kindergarten - (my NKA other child's class) - overheard the Class mom talking to the uncomfortable Allergy Mom with a huge bubbly smile saying, "We want to serve cuppppcakkkes at the Halloween party, and we can righhhht? Because last year we had your other DS with the milk allergy and couldn't have annnnyything, so this year it's just your other DS with peanut allergy so we can have cupcakkkaees righhhht?"  The mom just gave her a non answer (she avoids all food prepared by others as her DS#1 has severe anaphylactic milk allergy and DS2 has peanut allergy)...but then talked to the teacher and they agreed on Italian Ice, so teacher must have told Class Mom that was the approved treat.   I was the one that educated this teacher a couple years before (after a very hard K year and finally getting the 504 after K). 

And then at the party, the same Class Mom brought candy for Halloween Bingo without telling anyone. Guess she figured if she didn't ask, she wouldn't have her plans changed!   

[CMdeux]

That's what they ALL figure out eventually...



And it isn't just "school" either, where they figure it out.  The crap that still shows up even in High School for every possible function or get-together, or work-group is frankly INSANE.  And it doesn't matter if you remind them or not. 

   

[Arkadia]

36 font?  You offended *her*? 

How about being very upfront and just telling her that you would like not only this party but ALL food events to be safe and fully inclusive for all the children in the classroom.  You do NOT want ice cream to be served because it leaves out the child with milk allergies and the child with peanut allergies.  You would rather all the children have the SAME treat and list a bunch that are allergy-free.  Tell them you would be willing to be the one to provide the treat (if that is the case.)  Why not ask for what you want very bluntly and directly?  I'm not sure that you haven't but reading this thread it doesn't sound like it.

Oh, I started down that road when we met for over an hour at a restaurant to plan the lousy 45 minute party.  She quickly found out I've navigated teacher jedi mind tricks before. (I'm sure somone had filled her in on who *I* am, too.) Anyways....it just makes me more persistent.

I did discuss it with the teacher  and tattle telled on Room Mom, with the string of emails after my IEP meeting and the teacher's response??:  "Oh, she probably put in in large print so you could read it...I have a hard time reading print that small too..." Uh, this is my 2X3 screen on my PHONE. Most people read their emails on their LAPTOP. She did mention the child with the Red Dye allergy is contact reactive (makes me think of Carmine/colchine(sp?)) I mean, it's highly possible. She said the milk allergy isn't a "bad one".  and something about peanut allergies being so bad (so I'm assuming the peanut allergy is a "bad" one?) Anyways, I only suspect I know who the child is with the peanut/red dye allergy, since no one has given me specifics. I'm not sure who to keep an eye on...

I DID speak with the district sped director at the same meeting, and she just might get the "food free" ball rolling (or reinforced). It's all a "guideline", if I remember correctly. My "guideline senses" tell me to food free this one. It's a no brainer. I WILL speak with the COOPERATIVE SPED DIRECTOR (over everyone) when I see her tomorrow (bus incident). mwa-ha..haha....