Author Topic: Seriously?? (Read 4298 times)

LianneV · « **on:** March 22, 2012, 10:33:58 PM »

So Tuesday afternoon we signed the 504 plan. Today DS tells me about the superstar of the week bringing in chocolate chip cookies. They weren't sure if they were safe yet in they came. A month ago they told me they had reversed the policy and would implement it when the letter went out to the parents. Still no letter, so I can't fault the mom (although at the beginning of the year 2 letters went out so she had warning), I can't technically fault the school under the 504 plan cause there was no time to send a letter out between tues afternoon and this morning (DS doesn't have school on Wednesdays) but here's what happened. DS chose to have one of his safe chocolate chip cookies. One of the girls wanted him to switch. At first he said no, but she kept insisting and he actually did it. I swear, I've told him over and over not to share or take food from anyone. I feel like a failure as a mom cause I tried so hard to teach him better and he did it anyway. I kept saying what if something had happened and he kept saying "but it didn't" Yes I know my son needs to be careful and he is the last stand on everything, but he is only 5!
I'm so frustrated with it all. I don't get why a letter didn't come home today. Oh but a flyer about tomorrow's movie night, and some soccer team ad did! Way more important.
So now I guess I email the teacher, nurse, and principal...again! I was so happy over the victory but it's still not implemented. And it pisses me off, cause they told me the policy had been reversed and now he has a 504 plan but they keep saying they have to notify the parents. Heaven forbid a parent doesn't get to take in cookies, how is that a priority over the 504 plan? Once it was in place shouldn't they have refused the cookies and explained that it's peanut free and they're sorry a letter hasn't gone out yet? No, they keep allowing unsafe food!
I told DS that I'm going to look into him being at a seperate table for snacks and he got quiet, and then in his little voice says to me "so mommy you want me to be lonely?" yep, there were a lot of tears on my part tonight!

CMdeux · « **Reply #1 on:** March 22, 2012, 11:04:13 PM »

Ugh.

Well, firstly-- I'm very glad that nothing truly terrible happened to him today.

But you now have AMPLE evidence for why a "separate treat" just isn't enough, particularly at these young grades and with the wrong blend of personality characteristics. It sounds like your DS is a people pleaser, and those kids are at very grave risk without very clear guidelines...

guidelines which are followed to the letter.

Can you imagine how this little girl would have felt if your son had had a life-threatening reaction as a result of her (inadvertent) food bullying?

Once you've calmed down (and BOY, would I be hot about now), make sure that you document what happened today-- in very factual, unemotional, absolutely invarnished terms as far as possible. Make it clear that there MUST be a "protocol" for handling food events like that, and that your son's life depends on that protocol.

momma2boys · « **Reply #2 on:** March 23, 2012, 07:05:35 AM »

Wow, very first day and they violate his plan. Make sure you contact 504 coordinator as well. It is so aggravating!

Like CM said, you now have evidence for why this can't happen. Hopefully they don't dwell too much on the fact that he was ok. Also the teacher needs to be aware of what is going on while food is in the room. So sorry this happened.

AllergyMum · « **Reply #3 on:** March 23, 2012, 07:34:45 AM »

So sorry. We don't have 504 here so I can't speak to that but I am tell you what we do about sharing.

I find that the kids don't always have the words to help them express themselves at that age. We do a lot of role playing to practice what to say and do in such situations.

Our sons school has a school wide no sharing policy. could that be considered at your classroom.

Carefulmom · « **Reply #4 on:** March 23, 2012, 10:20:13 AM »

Wow...I can see where that would be very disheartening. Congratulations on the victory, though. At least that makes what they did blatantly illegal instead of just annoying and life threatening. Where did your ds get the safe chocolate chip cookie? Does he have a safe treat box? There has long been a debate on this board about the concept of a safe treat box. I am one of the few who has always felt that it is an accident waiting to happen and this is why. If you have a safe treat box for him, I`d get rid of it right away. I feel that it sends mixed messages. "You are not allowed to serve unsafe cookies, but in case you do, I will provide something for my child". I always felt that it enabled exclusion in addition to inviting a reaction. If he does not have a safe treat box, then just disregard this part of my post.

As hard as it is, I would try to appear unemotional about this. If the 504 does not allow unsafe cookies to be served and they served them, then the 504 was violated. I would email the teacher, nurse, principal, and 504 coordinator. Violation of 504 = loss of federal funding. They should know this. I would try to keep the email short and to the point.
"Dear _____,
I wanted to let you know that ds`s 504 was violated on March 22. Although the 504 states _________, unsafe cookies were served. This violates ds`s right to FAPE. Please let me know what will be done to ensure that this does not happen again.
Sincerely,
Ms. ____"

Others may want to tweak this.

As far as the allergy free table, it is illegal for them to isolate your child at this table, and I would not let them get away with it. My dd had an allergy free table where anyone without the allergen (peanuts/nuts) could sit, and the table was always packed with kids. There was no stigma associated with it. At 5, I would seriously consider an option like that. It is unacceptable for your ds to have to be lonely due to his allergy. I would make them follow the law on that one. Segregation due to disability is illegal, just as segregation due to race or religion is.

CMdeux · « **Reply #5 on:** March 23, 2012, 10:31:18 AM »

In order to avoid the "but they were safe-- your son ATE one and look, he's FINE..."

focus on the fact that the violation was that this was food which had NOT specifically been APPROVED BY YOU ahead of time. If that language isn't currently in the 504 plan, then now you have a reason why it MUST be.

This is because kids are... um, you know, not little rational, mature adults with the cognitive ability to care for themselves and make good decisions... in other words... kids. (Never fails to amaze me how others simply don't understand that setting a child in any situation where a single, easy mistake could cost them their lives is not okay because children are CHILDREN first and their disability management second-- all children.)

With the personality that your DS apparently has, I'd also let him know about the "special rules" that everyone at school-- including HIM-- has to follow. He is at fault for breaking one of those rules. (Food sharing/trading.) I wouldn't focus so much on risk as on "rule-breaking," because his answer to you is pretty logical when you get right down to it. He is fine. But there's no way that he can argue that he didn't do something wrong by breaking that rule. His rules should be pretty simple, (eat nothing that mom hasn't approved, don't trade food with others, tell ________ if you feel unwell or unsafe, and never take off your medic-alert bracelet, basically).

LianneV · « **Reply #6 on:** March 23, 2012, 04:22:31 PM »

I called the 504 coordinator (school counselor) to ask for her email address and started talking to her about it. She seemed shocked that this could happen after the 504. Just as I'm sitting down to start the email she calls back. She gathered the principal and teacher (who just happened to be there thankfully) so here's what they say happened. The boy brought in 2 seperate bags of cookies, one was safe, one wasn't (m&ms in the cookies) each bag had 18 cookies, there were 20 kids. So they let them have the safe bag, then gave DS his safe cookies, and someone else got to pick a school snack. So when the girl asked him to trade, it was a safe cookie. Also the teacher was aware and explained how one mini cookie (DS's) doesn't equal the girl's big cookie (hey my kid's not dumb lol) I did say maybe they should not allow trading.
Then I asked about this damn letter. She asked the principal and get this...she has to "consult" with the woman in charge of special needs. Both women were at the meeting! I finally had enough and asked if I could speak to her in confidence. She said yes but frankly I don't even care anymore. I told her, I am sick and tired of being put off. I said I asked for the meeting 2 months ago, a month ago I was promised that letter. That the letter is purely a formality and I don't care if the letter goes out, they just better not let anything else in his classroom. If parents want to complain, that's fine, but his plan better not be violated. I said in that paper it said the principal's duty was to write the letter. She's had enough time to write and consult. She tried to talk about policy. I said no, policy has nothing to do with it anymore. He has a 504 plan that trumps everything else. She was very nice about everything and I wasn't rude, but I told her if it takes much longer to get this letter out so they can stop hididng behind it (ok I didn't say that part lol) that I would consider it a violation of his plan!

CMdeux · « **Reply #7 on:** March 24, 2012, 12:21:11 AM »

WHO determined that these cookies were "safe" for your child?

Was it you?

It was not. Ergo, they were UNSAFE for his consumption.

He ate one.

They should be thankful right now that they aren't talking to your attorney about damages and to the authorities about the investigation into a child's death.

Seriously-- I have no idea how many times my child has been reassured that food from others was "safe" when it was anything but. Really and truly-- each and every time we allow ourselves to get talked into something that we KNOW better than to do... it's got about a 50% success rate, even after us deciding that it's "probably" safe based on what the other person is telling us.

It's just not safe for some FA kiddos to eat food prepared in kitchens that handle their allergens. <sigh> Hard thing for others to understand, that-- but it simply doesn't matter how careful they are, on some level, since basics are contaminated (joins on cookware and utensils, crevices on counters and cutting boards, the dishwasher, kitchen sponge, staples like flour, sugar, etc.).

Show them the Doctor Wood story about the reaction to cookies that a colleague -- a board-certified ALLERGIST-- swore up and down were "safe." That generally helps to illustrate it a bit more graphically for school staffers and aggressive family members.

Carefulmom · « **Reply #8 on:** March 24, 2012, 10:47:46 AM »

I would send an email of understanding to document what happened. You may need it later. Also, I am still not following, where did your ds get his "safe cookie"? Was it from a safe treat box or was it one of the "safe" ones brought in by the boy? Because unless you read the ingredients on the "safe" ones brought in by the boy, no one could actually know if it is safe or it isn`t. Just because the school says it is safe or another parent says it is safe, doesn`t mean it is. I`d like to echo what CM Deux said. I cannot even count the number of times that my dd was told something was safe and it isn`t. Others on this board have had the same experience. Eggallergymom`s dd was told pudding was safe and she ended up having a very severe life threatening reaction. There are others also. I`d start the paper trail with an email.

Mfamom · « **Reply #9 on:** March 24, 2012, 11:12:56 AM »

I'm also wondering who determined the cookie to be safe?

Macabre · « **Reply #10 on:** March 24, 2012, 08:08:55 PM »

And this is after the girl had handled it? Had the person who gave him his first cookie washed hands? With soap?

Ugh. When I read what your son said, I thought of this:

Just read the first paragraph.
http://www2.timesdispatch.com/news/2012/jan/07/tdmet01-police-chesterfield-student-died-of-allerg-ar-1593556/

I am not suggesting sharing that with your son. But with the school. Food sharing can kill.

Glad your son is okay.