SO has to "see" to believe.

[CMdeux]

What do you DO about this??

Obviously courting anaphylaxis is a bad idea-- but it seems like nothing else will convince some people of the need for certain care that they think is "over the top" and "just your paranoia" at work.

I'm so tired of fighting over this with my husband.  He puts his own desires ahead of my health and safety because he doesn't believe that there is a true danger there for me.

I feel like I can't trust him.  It's incredibly corrosive.

[GoingNuts]

I used to think that this was a gender thing, but my MIL suffers from this as well. 

And even after seeing, after some time the effect wears off, and she needs a "refresher course".

My DH can be the same way; not just with an important health issue, but with pretty much anything.

I have to be extremely direct with him, and say things like, "When I tell you X and you ignore it, it makes me feel _________________."

Yeah, doesn't really work for me, either. 

Good luck, and  .

[Ra3chel]

RAGE. Your DH has his head up his *ss, and he should know better by now than to pull BS like this. Whether or not he believes you, it is never his right to take risks on your behalf, without your consent. That's a HUGE breach of trust.

I'm going to respond at more length privately, but here are some terms that have helped me contextualize it with M and others; might help your DH wrap his head about what needs to happen on a purely practical level (if not the whole belief issue):

Sometimes, it's not just about being safe. It's about feeling safe.

It's not just about cut-and-dried physical safety. It's about being able to relax enough to be a person rather than having to stay in hyper-vigilant high alert. What that takes is not always objective, or fact-based, or proportionate, or strictly physically necessary; but unless accommodating it causes prohibitive hardship, there is no good reason not to.

And it is never, ever, ever, ever okay to take or force risks like that on someone else's behalf without their informed consent. Never. NEVER.

[MandCmama]

Well said Ra3chel.
  I printed a portion of your response out to share with DH.  My MIL also has her head up her a**.  I am much more rigid about "rules" at her house, than say, my parents' house, because I know my parents would never knowingly take any kind of risk or brush aside my concerns.  They have seen and they believe.  More importantly, they believed before they saw.
My MIL on the other hand will never get it, thinks we're radical, etc, etc.  By the time we leave there, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack!
 DH gets upset sometimes b/c I'll let the boys do more with my side of the family (parties, etc).  I've always explained that the risk can not out weigh the benefit (niece's bday where everything but cake is safe and they have a blast playing= worth it.  In laws anniversary pot luck where nothing is safe, insensitive comments are made, pressure will be put on us to keep the kids around while food is circulating, and no fun to be had for little ones= no go)

Sorry CM  It just sucks.

[Ketti]

My SO is getting used to my newly diagnosed food allergies, so for now I am forgiving him when he forgets about my safety.

But funny you should mention people thinking allergies are "just paranoia" at work.  When I brought in a note from my Dr stating that I needed to carry my EpiPen at work, I felt like I was being judged.  I felt guilty, as if I was asking for special treatment.  Then about a week ago I started having a severe allergic reaction at my desk.  I was actually embarrassed about using my EpiPen and because of that waited much longer than I should have to inject.  Funny thing is....I still feel judged....even after everyone saw me leaving in an ambulance.