Do you feel overwhelmed with the ADHD & behaviours,
Yes.
maybe because you don't know as much about them?
Partly, but it's more than that ... I feel that even if I do everything I can, it is likely that I will not be able to steer things towards a positive outcome. I know that I have to try & do what I can, but I'm not hopeful about this. Plus mental health doesn't seem as clear as things like asthma/allergies ... she's been going to docs for this for many years and they all have very different approaches & philosophies ... the approach 1 doc is totally into, another might frown on. I haven't seen clear lasting progress with any approach.
Plus, it's kind of a mismatch between my personality and her mind which hardly ever seems calm. Nothing is easy. Dealing with older dd has been so much more difficult for me than younger dd's health stuff. And then there is the blame the mom thing ... "Your mom must spoil you" kind of stuff from people who don't understand and can't empathize ... it's ok, I can handle it.
Do you worry that putting time into that might take the time away from the other?
No
. I don't need to spend a lot of time now with younger dd's issues ... they are under control & I understand them & she has good docs. As strange as this sounds, being here is something I enjoy at this point. I have to limit my time here because I'd easily spend too much time here otherwise.
Is there a part of you that sometimes kind of feels regarding older dd's problems she should just " get over it". There is no way to type that without it sounding horribly rude. But let me just say, with my son there were times when I felt that way. In fact there still are some days. But it doesn't mean I don't "get" that he can't just get over it.
It's really hard for me to tell what is within her control & what is not. When is she purposely just behaving badly, and when is it not something she can help. This is not black & white ... it's a continuum.