Today I discovered that my local grocery store does in fact carry my favorite variety of safe sandwich buns. I had been driving all the way across town (like 45 minutes round trip, at least) to buy them.
Why have I not found them yet? Because they aren't in the bread aisle, where there are other sandwich buns by the same manufacturer, and where, you know, it would make sense to put them. Instead, they are on a small, low shelf in front of the deli case. Where I never go, because I can't buy deli sliced products. Saw them by total chance. Arg.
But at least I know where to get them now.