FA children advocating for themselves with adults

[yelloww]

Ds is inherently a rule follower and because of this he doesn't advocate for himself with adults as much as he should. This became an issue this week when he needed to tell an authority figure that they were potentially compromising his saftey. He didn't say anything because he didn't want to stand up to this person/cause a scene/potentially break the rules.

Has anyone found a good resource about self-advocacy when it comes to our kids disabilities? Kiddo isn't afraid to talk to most people- he is very outgoing. He just does NOT defy authority.... even if they could be wrong. He doens't want to get in trouble and simply won't do it.

He needs more than what I've tried to teach him already. We've done role playing, but he's different about it when he's not with me.

[CMdeux]

I'll also be watching this space closely, because I have one of these "But that wouldn't be polite" kids, too.   

[Macabre]

Well, having it written into the 504 plan has helped. Because you may remember: the first day of school in fourth grade at a new school (new town, new state), DS refused to sit at the table until someone came and wiped it to make it safe for him.  This was pre-504, but we did have a plan in place the school agreed to.

I got called into the principal's office that day.  Seriously. Because my DS wasn't being polite. According to our very southern principal, it was a huge offense.

And at that same school DS got in trouble for not cleaning up another kid's lunch trash that the custodian told him to.

So he apparently doesn't have many problems with this BUT he was really struggling with when to be polite v. when to speak up, and putting a clause in DS' 504 that his efforts for self-advocacy will be affirmed/respected helped him understand that he can speak up without fear of recourse.

That's not exactly what you were looking for, but I felt I needed to include it. There are outside resources, and there are examples of giving a child tacit permission--and even expectation--to speak up in a document that all of his teachers read every year.

[yelloww]

I need to find those outside resources, I think.....

[GoingNuts]

I know it's a bit of a schlep for you, but Mt. Sinai has social workers who work with FA families.  Or you could try Allergic Girl (Sloane Miller) - though I realize at his age it would be soooooo much better if she were a dude.   I met her at a FAAN conference and she is quite lovely, though I could really see her working better with girls.

www.allergicgirl.com/sloane-miller

[PurpleCat]

I don't know.....but you are right about the importance of the kids learning to self advocate.

My DD was a don't rock the boat kid and for the most part, will not question authority....except for her allergies.

In 2nd grade (I so wish I could have watched her) she went toe to toe with a cafeteria worker at school.  The brand of chocolate milk had changed.  She went to her seat, thought better of drinking it, brought it back unopened to trade for white.  The cafeteria worker was a jerk about it and they went back and forth.  The cafeteria worker called the school nurse at DD's request.  Well that nurse marched right down to the cafeteria and complimented my daughter for being brave and smart and reprimanded the cafeteria worker and educated her on why DD was right. 

I was so proud of her and the nurse's actions just cemented that this behavior was OK to her.  And from that time on....she's been able to speak up if necessary.

It's a key piece to their independence and it opened doors for her with me allowing more activities without me knowing she was capable at a much younger age than I might have.

[CMdeux]

And see, my kid would be saying nothing and just leaving it untouched, PC.   

Some of this, I think, I just have to let go of in some ways.  She does make good decisions.  She just doesn't do confrontation well.