It's very tragic, but the fact is that eating a random unlabeled dessert is not careful. It's as if she had darted out into the freeway. Being careful every other time you crossed the street will not help you in that case.
That does assume that:
a) she didn't discuss ingredients with anyone, and
b) that if she had, that she'd have received accurate information in return.
Both are huge pitfalls. But the alternative is "trust no one."
I'm often viewed as pretty extreme for taking that stance-- even here, and even among people who
know that we do it because of my DD's ample reaction history and sensitivity.
Many of our members (and their kids)
do trust others to prepare food for them. In light of the reports about this family's level of vigilance/care prior to this, I have to think that one of several things happened here:
a) Mom and Dad were told one thing and something else occurred (
oh, just Rice Krispie Treats-- maybe S'mores. You know, that kind of thing)
b) 13yo DD is getting a LITTLE bit more leash at this age... but please note, both parents were present-- which is entirely consistent with a pretty rigorous standard of management
c) 13yo, feeling very virtuous and responsible,
asks about the treats and is reassured (probably by another adolescent-- or maybe a clueless adult) that they are "just RKT's"
so she bites into one. Why? Well, in part because she was 13. She didn't WANT to make a big deal about it and
ruin what had been a perfect day. We've been through this ourselves-- DD will make a decision (or one of us will, frankly) which is about just being TIRED. OF. LIVING. LIKE. THIS. It's why I hate potlucks-- please see above. Everyone URGES you to trust them-- they go out of their way and are then OFFENDED when you still refuse to take your life and put it into their hands. I completely get why a lapse like this could happen in an instant. I really do.
Honestly, I can see this happening to about 60-70% of the kids who are part of even THIS community under the right set of circumstances. Even my daughter.