How Would You Handle This? (with child)

[ctmartin]

Hi, everyone,

Just received this e-mail from a mom at my daughter's school (daughter is in 2nd grade, this is the 3rd year with all the same kids in this class,  and it is a small private school and the class size is 12, so everyone knows each other well):

Miss TEACHER told me that XXXXX teased DAUGHTER today about smelling peanuts in the room.  XXXXX feels terrible about it and is writing DAUGHTER an apology note.  She said she was trying to be funny, but she understands how hurtful her words were.  She told me that she is going to try not to say anything at all unless spoken to (we'll see how long that lasts).

Just wanted to let you know and I'm sorry if this made DAUGHTER feel bad.

I guess I am perplexed as to (1) Why the teacher did not bother to notify me of the incident? and (2) Why my daughter, who usually tells me everything, did not mention it?
I am thinking about going against my instinct to question her about it and how it made her feel and just blow it off like I don't know (which I wouldn't, if I hadn't gotten this e-mail from the mom).  I don't want to put too much emphasis on the negative experience, but I am worried she might be upset and might want to talk about it but is embarrassed to do so. 

Has anyone had an experience like this, and, if so, how did you handle?  Thanks!

[twinturbo]

I have a child at a small private school in a class of twelve. No advice on how to handle it with your child but the teacher at a MINIMUM needs a remedial lesson in communicating incidents such as this to all parents involved. Find out more but double underscore the information conduit. You'll want to think on how you want to accomplish that with teacher's personality.

Otherwise the one holding the bag for teacher's communication lag is child.

[ctmartin]

yes, i agree with you on the communication.  funny thing is, this teacher *usually* tells me every little thing that goes on in class (i am at the school several times a day because i have another child there who only goes half days), so i am feeling rather paranoid that she just happened to leave this out.  the other mother wrote again and said that the reason the teacher didn't tell me (in her opinion) is that the kids worked it out themselves.  that's great, but then why did she mention it to her (the other mother).

by the way, i read another post of yours (above?)  ... what do you mean by road school?

[twinturbo]

Well, this is the pattern I've found in private schools, we're obviously operating without 504s so the usual doesn't apply to us. I'm going to write a little extra that I know you already know because most of the people reading don't know how it goes in private school land WRT food allergy negotiation and by laws, etc.

We're like you where we're in and out of the school a lot. We're also proactively on the teacher a lot. I do try to back off as much as possible when I feel like we've got a good groove going. That is one of the key reasons we're in private school it's a better curriculum choice and class size, the downside we don't have the sort of protections or system of resolution you get with FAPE, FERPA, assorted government acronyms.

Sometimes I find the teachers either 1) honestly forget 2) plain old make a poor decision, or 3) the situation isn't as clear as it should be. As in when I go in like WTH? it ends up being slightly, but importantly, different than the first iteration of information I received. Other times I don't get what they were thinking like, hi, I'm literally down the street if you didn't give him his lunch and he's got a small wound CALL ME. What do I pay you people for?

But like you mentioned with the other mom that's usually the plus side of small class size in private school. In a more intimate situation the kids usually stick together and the parents know they're going to be held responsible for the kids behavior because we all signed the contract that has a behavioral clause and by laws. In my eyes the private school process is always going back around to give 'em every last freaking way to contact you, and always and I mean ALWAYS ask like every day what's going to happen on drop off and what did happen at pick up.

Road school? I filed my homeschool paperwork with the state, made some goals for independent reading, travel (including FA awareness to pack, emergency plan, food planning, planes trains automobile preparation) and soak up as much see-the-world learning as we could stuff in 6 months before returning to B&M school. We did a lot of Boston and NYC museums and attractions, but we absolutely made use of every historic mansion, wetlands, botanical gardens, historic trains/trolleys, Audubon preserve, planetarium, coastal science center, NASA science center, MIT freebies, anything we could do in pretty much a tri-state area. A whole host of BBC Nature, Wonders of the Universe with Brian Cox, pretty much any astronomy series (they have the same scientists really) NASA curriculum online, periodical reading (Ranger Rick, Astronomy, Robot), a ton of freeform Lego building, and reading books, road signs, taxonomy info at science museums. You name it we looked at it, read it, learned about it, traveled to get there.

Now we're hunkering down back in private school for a real curriculum. I would consider a limited duration road schooling again but not until disciplined academic accountability is well established. That kindergarten year half road schooled is as granola unschooling as I get.