Do you feel other FA parents help or hurt your cause at school?

[ctmartin]

Just wondering how you all feel about this:  Recently my younger daughter's (NKA) preschool class went food free for birthday celebrations.  This was a HUGE victory at this school (and not without some backlash, as always), and it is something I would love to see carry over to the elementary school.  However, I don't understand why this FA parent pushing an agenda of a food free classroom,  would think it is OK to send in candy for the entire class for the letter of the day?  Seems kind of hypocritical to me, and bound to create animosity toward ALL food allergic parents as well as undermine our cause (those who are pushing for food free in their own classrooms). 

[twinturbo]

I think part of the reason is because the onus on food in the classroom or curriculum has been misplaced solely on the allergic. My answer has always been the same: we with FA can't be the gatekeepers on keeping unnecessary food in the classroom. It may provoke feelings of guilt, responsibility and that's the method of coping. Personal observation is most who want food in the classroom or curriculum do so driven largely by emotion for the food itself, that it rewards them with positive feelings like adoration, attention and nostalgia. Most who want food out of the curriculum or classroom do so because of the negative consequences of what the food does: wastes time on eating empty calories, affects blood sugar, replaces and competes with nutritious food, promotes tooth decay, induces anaphylaxis, potentially contributes to obesity, modifies behavior and feelings of accomplishment associated with foods.

[ctmartin]

so true, because i would feel the same way (that food does not belong in the classroom) with or without allergies, and i think that this particular food allergy parent is only against food in the classroom because of her daughter's food allergies (so that if she can safely participate, then she is all for it).  but whatever the reason, i still think it is important to set an example for what you want, which is why i have never celebrated my daughter's birthday with food at school, even though technically this would be the only celebration that it would be safe for her to partake.

oh well ... 

[Scout]

I think it hurts.....in my case

 I have always been the Vinegar to their honey.......those are their words...I am the one willing to be the stinker.

this year I thought I hit the jackpot.....another pnut allergic mom and a mom with a husband with LTFA to shellfish.  wow, they are the room moms.  I am the bday mom

fast forward to October...another mom requesting to bake an amazing cake.....I am approached ...I state the rules expecting to be backed by other room moms as we have previously talked and agreed upon.......NOPE

I sent email yesterday stating I was stepping down as BDAY mom as I will not skirt the school rules and my dd will just bring her own treat......
I know this sounds like I am backing off....nope

I am letting them deAL with all the moms.....we now celebrate once a month....they can negotiate which mom gets to bring, is it safe for  all....etc...they have been pushing that to me....no more.

I will let them have what they want and see if they like it in the end.
food will have to go to cafeteria as per dds 504. no parties in class, since I am not gonna budge on that.

the pnut allergic other child can eat may contains etc.....so dd will not eat anything her mom oks.....

I cant run the world, even though I have tried.

[CMdeux]

Yup-- we always end up being the veritable poster children for "Okay, boys and girls, THIS is what helicopter parenting looks like."

Makes me CRAZY.

[notashrimpwimp]

I imagine, given the differences in experiences and boundaries, it may detract from the needs of both. Others may compare reaction histories and mistakenly draw conclusions about the severity of allergies and what constitutes "reasonable" accommodations. It may also draw greater attention and labeling of children, neither necessary nor deserved, and foster dissent in the interactions with both. Finally, it may undermine the safety precautions parents instill if the other child oversteps the child's learned behaviors from his/her parents with no consequence.

[Mfamom]

I feel that other allergy parents (In my situation) HURT because they were seriously clueless and managed their children's allergies MUCH differently than I.  I did become the Gold Standard LOL in elem. school, but at the end of the day, I feel that schools need to approach allergic children individually, not based on one allergic parents opinion/comfort zones over another's. 
I belong to a FB page for our town and every week there are moms asking for recommendations for "xx free xx"  for school. 
Oh everyone chimes in, even the ones who do not have allergies in their lives.  this one mom that bakes at home always says I CAN MAKE XX free Cookies, cupcakes whatever you need".  UGH.  I always answer "you should check with your school nurse who will be able to guide you.  and explain the policies of our district regarding allergies etc". 

[eggallergymom]

One other mom of a child with LTFA is a HUGE ally. She has been very vocal about her support for the change in food policies in our district, and has made me feel like less of a lone squeaky wheel. But there's another mother who has been very difficult. Without putting too fine a point on it (though I probably am), I suspect that her "I miss the cupcakes--things didn't need to change" position is easier for her because she's never actually seen her child anaphylax. Her daughter's allergy was spotted through allergy testing, and I think that either a) it isn't a true allergy or b) they've been damn lucky. The mother spoke out publicly against the changes to food policies in our district after my daughter's ana reaction at school. She quite literally campaigned for the return of cupcakes through her position in the PTO, and called me at home to harangue me about the policies, since they were my "fault". She made things so uncomfortable for my daughter in Girl Scouts (by positioning her daughter as the "cool allergy kid" who could eat the same snacks as the other girls and my daughter as "the weird kid") that we ultimately ended up changing troops to get away from it. I think she is so terrified of her child bearing some sort of social stigma by being identified as food allergic that she'd do anything to distance herself from it. I hope, for her daughter's sake, that it isn't a true allergy.

[spacecanada]

I'm not a parent, but I am a Girl Guide leader, and I carry my 'no food' rules throughout the year and keep very strict food rules at camps and outings.  I get a lot of flack from parents who tell me their child has allergies and then question me when I refuse to let them have anything with those allergens or traces thereof.  i.e. a kid who is allergic to dairy (per her health form) came to an event with a letter saying she can eat pizza with cheese so she doesn't feel left out.  (We requested that participants with allergies bring their own lunch that day because accommodating allergies wasn't an option - long story, not an event I planned.)  I refused to serve it to her, but someone else did because they 'talked to the parent'.  The kid ended up vomiting and had no Epi or Benadryl and told us that's normal and she was fine.  Um... NO!  Or the kid with a long list of 'allergies' from an E95 test and her parent wrote them on her health form and then questioned why her child couldn't eat XYZ food (containing her allergen) at camp when she eats it at home all the time.  (I'm not going to question allergies on a health form, even if I know they are from an E95 panel, because anything listed as an allergy on a health form is considered off limits by me.)  It's these questionable 'allergies' and poor allergy management displayed by so many parents (and adults) that make me look like I'm taking things too far.  I try to explain these situations the best I can, from the perspective of providing an inclusive and safe environment for everyone, but other parents then tell me they don't take allergies so seriously because so many kids with 'allergies' can eat their allergen sometimes.  It's difficult to provide proper education (to other adults and kids) when others are displaying risky behaviour all the time.  I will stand my ground, keeping our meeting place food-free and making sure camps are safe for everyone, but with the rise of this E95 testing and sensitivities being called allergies more and more, I feel it is becoming more difficult to educate people on the definition and total avoidance required for true allergies/anaphylaxis.