Another Cupcake Rant - But This Time, From Our Perspective

[GoingNuts]

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/kids-school-banned-cupcakes-birthdays-194300749.html

[momma2boys]

Omg, I want to kiss her! What an amazing response.  If only more people felt this way. I feel like I want to contact her and thank her for this.

[LinksEtc]

 Here's another reply to that "Why Do Your Kid's Allergies Mean My Kid Can't Have a Birthday?" post.

Warning - there's some strong language.




http://reallifeparentingblog.com/you-might-be-an-a**hat-if-you-think-people-with-food-allergies-are-ruining-your-life/


wars.




---------

lol - FAS is editing the link.  Just replace the "**" with the appropriate letters 

[LinksEtc]

I'll stick this in here also.

Lisa Turner's letter

[twinturbo]

Why Do Your Kid's Allergies Mean My Kid Can't Have a Birthday?

Incorrect supposition. The question is really about having a birthday party during class time. This should answer itself.

Sorry. Can't help myself.

[aggiedog]

I love those posts.  And I like the use of the word "a$$hattery"  very nice!

[twinturbo]

Do dad give a flying fig about cupcakes? Or is this a mommy deal? I think what frustrates me is much of these blogosphere mommy wars make it parent v parent on treats when it's not about treats, it's about education, FAPE when we're talking public school. Scanning through the replies to the entry there are FA parents who are of the erroneous belief that it's about the treats and not judging other parents who want their kid to celebrate a birthday on class time. It's not parent v. parent, a 504 isn't a contract that others need sign on to in order to be in effect. The district may have a policy that allows birthday celebrations but that isn't the purpose of school, FAPE, and there are plenty of other fellowship tools that could be employed.

[CMdeux]

Why Do Your Kid's Allergies Mean My Kid Can't Have a Birthday?

Incorrect supposition. The question is really about having a birthday party during class time. This should answer itself.

Sorry. Can't help myself.

Bingo.

Ask and ye shall recieve:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gluten-dude/im-so-sorry-our-disease-is-such-an-inconvenience-for-you_b_4849853.html

[twinturbo]

Well, yes, if you want to continue an argument based on the 'appeal to pity' both for and against. My problem with the parent wars about cupcakes is that it is fundamentally rooted in appeals to pity whether it's my poor kid can't have his cupcake in class because of [disease, wellness policy, sucking up instructional time] against think of my kid's feelings because of [disease, wellness policy].

Hosting birthday parties is not what K12 education is for and although it's unfortunate that my children could not eat the cupcakes and would feel left out, and that's bad enough but manageable in the public with heavy preparation, we never get to the FAPE delivery that public education is based on as long as the appeal to pity is carried on as a primary argument. We never get to what the purpose of the classroom, that's it's not Gymboree or Chuck E. Cheese, and any benefit from FAPE that a non-disabled peer gets they all get. An accommodation by definition is an alteration.

Remember a parent who filed suit after putting a school district on 'notice'? Here's the writing on the wall: FAPE governs public K12, it does not govern the world, but in USA Title II and Title III do. We have rules. I don't know about anyone else but Congress did not call me up to get my personal thoughts on what the laws should be. Neither did anyone in the Dept of Ed as they developed regulations in order to execute what the laws set forth.

For refreshers here's the court of appeals decision. While not changing any existing laws or setting procedure nationally, it clarifies by point why disability law prevails and how this idea of school is playland doesn't hold up. Even higher ed has a metric ton of regulations and laws and policies staff must follow.

http://publicdocs.courts.mi.gov:81/OPINIONS/FINAL/COA/20130730_C306979_46_306979.OPN.PDF

Not directed at anyone. Just tired of the parent wars on the blogosphere that affect public opinion and support belief that this is parent v. parent special snowflake kids rather than existing laws and regulations functioning as designed. The real world has laws and regulations, school is no different but for the fact primary and secondary is governed by FAPE where applicable.

To put it another way this is all IMO disability harassment via social media. We prevail upon a law that was designed to protect then we are in turn retaliated against in the public as backlash. I wish that response would change to holding the line on educating what 504 is, and I think that might have been what Lisa Turner's epiphany was, that there exists this intangible thing called FAPE that most parents take for granted and benefit from without any accommodations without being aware of it. They have the privilege to take it for granted therefore it becomes a sense of entitlement that they deserve more from FAPE than the rest of us because they don't know we are EACH entitled to it on a level playing field. The difference for us is that we prevail upon law to get accommodations they do not need.

[CMdeux]

Right-- I just liked the fact that (in spite of the initial emotional appeal) he goes there in a hurry-- that school =/= party palace.

Might be a guy thing.  I wondered about that, in light of the question earlier about why it always seems to be the moms fighting it out over this.

[twinturbo]

  Here I know I'm preaching to the choir, the same one I learn from all the time. What I call into question as these things come here for us to examine, analyze, is what is the narrative being played out here? Are we winning on an appeal to pity through blog snark? My concern being by responding to appeals to pity with our own appeals to pity we're feeding into that narrative that this is about having special snowflake kids with made up diseases by helicopter hippie parents. I don't think the appeal to pity should be answered with an appeal to pity. On the contrary, I think the appeal to pity should be quickly addressed as why that isn't the fundamental issue at hand, then respond with something more concrete. An explanation of FAPE, IgE-mediated responses, something that forces the hand of an antagonist to respond to what exists other than their personal feelings of entitlement.

ETA: The more I think on it, the more it becomes clear to me that the letter posted upthread is from an individual that did not necessarily come to understand food allergies and anaphylaxis as much as she came to realize that her behavior towards accommodations was born of a sense of unacknowledged privilege driving her to disability harassment. That when one invokes 504 protection it's not taking away from her existing rights but perhaps alters her privileges she erroneously perceived as rights.

And that, the ability to become aware of one's privileges, is both a very scarce trait not easily achieved and also very necessary to pierce perceptual defenses. If I enforce someone else's perception this is about pity it strengthens that defense, most likely making awareness of privilege even more difficult.

Anyhow. 

[LinksEtc]

I'll stick this link in here ...

Tweeted by @AAPD_CEO

"I'm So Sorry My Daughter's Disability Is Such an Inconvenience for You"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-davis-smith/im-so-sorry-disability-is-such-an-inconvenience-for-you_b_5604408.html?utm_hp_ref=tw

Although the types of "inconveniences" she and her disability apparently pose to others are different from the "inconveniences" Gluten Dude's disease seemingly foists onto the world, the level to which people seem bothered, put out and downright annoyed at what my little girl and other individuals with disabilities need to do in order to be able to access the same places and activities they do is similar.

[OptimisticMom]

I wish there was an ability to "like" all of these posts.

having special snowflake kids with made up diseases by helicopter hippie parents

This is pretty much what I think people hear when I tell them my daughter has food allergies. I have empathy because I thought the same thing before I started down this path with my daughter's allergies. The problem is that food allergies exist on a scale and there are people that do have kids who have very mild sensitivities and then kids that are very sensitive and exhibit severe reactions. Even my own child has a mild reaction to nuts but will go into shock over soy. I can only hope that this stuff improves leaps and bounds by the time allergy DD is old enough to need to go to school.