they can,

BUT... if the original 504 plan included parents as "member of the team" then you should IMMEDIATELY and IN WRITING ask "the team" to explain why your input was deemed unnecessary, and who has provided the expertise in life-management and successful allergen-avoidance that you had been bringing to the table.

In other words, sure, the law doesn't specifically FORBID them doing it... but they've just opened themselves up for a world of hurt in terms of liability if they make a mistake that results in a reaction, and they've done it KNOWING that you have knowledge and expertise that they don't... and deciding that such input was... er... "inconvenient?"


From a procedural standpoint, find out what they discussed in said meeting, and find out how they have justified excluding you.

On the surface it seems ridiculous over cupcakes (hint: this is not really about cupcakes) but what the nurse said/did actually constitutes intimidation by alluding to a threat of retaliation based on disability. I'd make a note about that including time, date, statements any time you encounter it from any source whether it is from a school official or parent, and if you're not keeping a log, a folder, start one.

We all handle it differently. I like to call BS aloud when it finds me such as, "Wow, sounds like that might have INTIMIDATED a person or two in the past from invoking disability law. Good thing medical privacy and bullying students is legally protected." End with a mirthless Jim Carrey laugh.

The more practical way might be to keep a straight face while you say Oh, my! How would the parents find out if medical information is so highly protected? Who are you telling me would retaliate against us? What are you saying they will do to my child? Who do you think I should report this to?

Another approach is a sunny "Oh, I just KNOW that would never happen," (meaning intimidation or the creation of a hostile learning environment due to releasing your child's private medical information) "because I'm sure that everyone in this room-- everyone who would need to have the information about my child, in fact-- would NEVER gossip about my child's privatemedical information like that.  So how would all these parents know, hmmm?  I'm sure that won't be a problem.  Unless there is something else that you aren't telling me, I mean.  Is there?"


The hard-line approach, of course, is to suggest none-too-gently that what you are hearing IS harrassment and intimidation already.  Which it is, of course-- but you want to play a long game here, if you'll pardon the euphemism.   I personally think it is best to remain "the calm one," which you've done ADMIRABLY at so far.  Not bursting into tears in the face of such a meeting is quite a feat, really.    You should be proud of yourself.

Being calm means simply being an immovable force in this context.  Know the law, know what your child's rights are, and KNOW that you will win.  Because you are in the right. 

Making a child's medical condition the scapegoat for undesirable changes in schools is-- WRONG.  Illegal in no uncertain terms.  If they wouldn't announce "No more climbing wall during PE for the first through third graders, since John in Mrs. Smith's room has Juvenile RA, so it's off-limits for him," then they shouldn't be announcing blaming a child as an explanation why there won't be a (food project) either.

Threatening to release a child's federally-protected, private medical information is BAD.  My school tried this tactic with me once, too.  I told them to call their attorneys and talk that one over.  And I laughed.  I also pointed out that they were basically threatening to tell EVERY IGNORANT PARENT who found out about it precisely how to KILL my daughter.  I don't take that risk, because all it takes is one person who is both completely ignorant, over-confident that it's an exaggeration, and also a bit indignant over changes to things to render that situation deadly.  Yeah, what are the odds, right?  Not too many of THOSE people around.   

This message sunk in, apparently.  Because that was the last time that I was "encouraged" to "share" about the specifics of my daughter's food allergies with all and sundry, and it was the last time that handwashing and food restrictions at events were "blamed" on them, too.

We can help you to write a letter of understanding to get the ball rolling.

On that and on other things.

Firstly, you're going to include this person's BOSS in your letter, and you're also going to include the special education people at the district level.

And you're going to "explain" exactly what this tool told you in this meeting-- that some accommodations were already "off the table" so to speak, before even writing the plan.

Then include a copy of Letter to Zirkel, explaining that "reasonable" isn't the standard, and follow it with evidence from OCR which explains that they CANNOT 'refuse' necessary accommodations.

You could explain that they are CHOOSING to ENHANCE RISK in the educational environment and demand that THEY sign a statement that they understand and agree to continue taking this elevated risk, knowing what they are risking. But I would give them one more chance, first.