Exactly. Our kids
have to maintain a bit of a margin for error even with close friends. The bottom line is that nobody else is going to wind up dead from a food-related mistake. Just DD. So no matter how much her friends love her and treasure her (and they do), it just isn't necessarily enough for her because it really isn't "real" to them. Not really. Therefore, we've really stressed to her that if she drinks-- even ONE drink-- she
must not eat anything afterwards. Because her judgment is impaired at that point. Better not to drink at all, but if she does, she needs to have a complete plan for her own personal safety in place-- and then she needs to follow it to the letter. That plan should NOT depend on other people's discretion or cooperation. Of course, that is really just an extension of how LTFA teens already have to exist. It's just that at the moment, she knows that she can always call us on her cell and we will come to her aid-- no questions asked.
The largest difference between "nearby" college and "far away" is that at the latter, there will be virtually NO safety net unless you have extended family or close friends who live nearby. Someone off-campus that your child could go to in an emergency-- someone that first responders or campus officials could call locally.
Otherwise, they'll call YOU (250, 500, 1000, or even 3000 miles away) to "notify" you of problems with the law or of a hospital admission, at least one that takes place from the campus. Probably. The college, by the way, may
not call, preferring to avoid dealing with parents at all under such circumstances. I have personally known students who were assaulted in parking lots whose parents were not notified, as well as students who were expelled from the institution for academic (or other) reasons whose parents were clueless until it had already happened.
Bottom line-- PARENTS calling the campus with concerns are probably (also) going to be met with stonewalling. Polite stonewalling, no doubt; but that is what it will be. The institution's hands are tied legally once a student is 18 years old.