One thing that we did which I think has been (and continues to be)
extremely useful in getting DD the accommodations that she in particular needs (as opposed to choosing from a menu of options that don't really fit her in particular, I mean)-- was to consider carefully what "standard" looks like at any particular institution-- and then decide what it needed to look like for DD in particular. That is, are freshman MANDATED to live in group dorm settings on campus? and then figure out if there is any reasonable way that such a thing can be made to work for or not.
In DD's case, for example, we didn't really need to fight this one, but we learned that there would be NO decoupling of housing and dining plans. They
insisted that THEY were going to "work with" her to "find safe choices." Even if we were not comfortable that ANY food they prepped in shared spaces
could be "safe" for her to eat. For us, that violates a primary rule of management-- that DD
always gets the decision-making power of what constitutes "safe enough" for her to eat. SHE decides-- because the consequences are hers, too. Not some dietician from university housing and dining.
Now, DD also isn't most people, even most people with food allergies. So for 95% or people with food allergies, working with the dining staff probably WILL work. But this is why individual accommodations are-- um-- individual.
We went in with DD's 504 plan, which had been tweaked during her junior year so that it was prepared to make the hop to higher ed. Our allergist also went to bat with explanations of more unusual accommodations-- like individual testing. DD is aerosol sensitive, and that being said, smelling her allergens makes her VERY anxious (gee, I wonder why?
) and impairs her exam performance in a big way. In a small class, she doesn't use that accommodation, mostly-- she prefers to be low key and use preferential seating (another accommodation) instead.
She also has priority registration-- and I cannot begin to tell you how important THAT has proven. She has the ability to make sure that she can select classes that allow her enough time to
eat properly, those that don't virtually INVITE other students to be bringing food into lecture, and those which are smaller (and therefore easier to exert some control over the environment and her own safety). It also means that she can (with careful planning) stick with professors that have demonstrated a willingness to cooperate gladly.
I really recommend going in with a 504 plan in hand-- or at least the previous school's plan. Then, allow at least 4-6 weeks for the process to work and generate a university-specific plan.
Also, talk to your child about what s/he feels is TRULY necessary. I had to convince DD that the testing accommodation was a good idea. She didn't really understand just how prevalent food consumption would be around her in college. She does now, of course-- but going in with more accommodations than you think you will want EVERY day is not necessarily a bad thing in higher ed. They are there if the student CHOOSES to access them.
This is another big difference-- if the student chooses to, s/he can ignore the fact that the plan is on file with disability at all. There is no mandate to use the accommodations in any class-- much less EVERY class. It's an individual judgment call for the student. So a class where nobody ever eats-- no announcement, no food controls are needed. Ever. A situation where it's a tiny class and everyone knows you, similarly-- just last night, in fact, peanut butter snacks showed up backstage at the food table-- and the stage manager simply gathered up the unsafe stuff and took it up to the tech booth instead. No big deal.
The single hardest thing for me has been accepting that NOBODY but my DD is obligated to be responsible for her autoinjector use. NOBODY else has to be trained, and SHE has to be pretty assertive.
I know that there are a lot of threads about this in the past four or five years. Mac, Rebekah, and myself have all recently navigated it-- having kids travel without us, live without us, and navigate the open and chaotic setting of a college campus without us. Some of the most useful threads may not be in schools, but in Teens instead-- the law is different from K-12 to higher ed, after all.
Honestly-- I wouldn't assume that the person that gave you such a nasty vibe at the office necessarily sets the tone for the entire office, either. Could have just been a bad day, could be that she's kind of a troll... you never know. I've also decided that I'm completely comfortable being Bad Cop to DD's Good Cop with her university, too-- so I may ask "rude" questions, or be pushier than she is... and that's just fine.
The other technique that I recommend is that we BOTH show up for a meeting, and when she's called into said meeting, I
ask if she would like me to come in or not-- right there in front of whoever she's meeting with. That way they KNOW that it's
her driving my being there or not-- not me.