I would also not offer to do anything which puts a greater burden on you as a family re: cost or time.  You can't discuss ANY of those things prior to eligibility (though it is good that you are thinking about them for yourself, so that you are prepared, of course.)

Make them ask you-- because really, while you might be willing to provide all of the food for a couple of class parties THIS year, what if you can't next year?  What if you wind up needing to work and can't be there for every field trip?

Eligibility first.  This is like a horse that PULLS the cart (accommodations).

Without the horse, there is no cart-- there's only largesse on the part of school employees, and that can change in the blink of an eye. 

Sorry I haven't been online to answer all the awesome posts that I just read.  This weather is really getting to me!  DS hasn't had school since the day after the meeting last Friday.  He has school tues and thurs, but I'm going to call in on Monday to get the 504 eligibility scheduled.  Does email count in the 30 days they have to comply.  As in, if I email her my request for that meeting, does it count on that first school day?  That way if she tries to avoid me, the request has already been sent?  I will also be rescheduling my meeting with the school district office.  I got a phone call on Thursday I think or Friday from someone who received my number from OSPI.  She's on a regional level and is familiar with the nurses and principals but this is the problem that I"m having.  Everyone I'm contacting all seems to be within the school system.  I can't seem to find someone who will advocate for my son and I.  This woman kept stating that we should go and have another meeting, which I will to get the 504 eligibility done.  The thing is, I certainly do not want to go on the war path.  I am as non confrontational as they come.  But when the woman is so firm in her decision that she absolutely will not meet the request of no allergens in the classroom, I fail to see the point in dealing with her unless I can find a way to get her to do it. At the same time, someone made the point that I should try to view them as ignorant to the facts, not someone who is trying to hurt my son.  I am trying, but I feel that's how they felt about me.  I feel that they assumed I wouldn't know anything (which is partially true I'm still learning) and that I'd be easily placated and stop bothering them.  There's a little girl in the 3rd grade who is as severe as my DS.  I wish I could meet her mother, but I'm not supposed to know (the lunch lady pointed her out one day when I went to his school at lunchtime to discuss what's been going on with everything) and find out what her mom thinks about this, or if she even knows either!
So tomorrow will be the email of understanding and seperate email requesting the 5o4 eligibility meeting.  I will also speak to the district nurse if I can find her just so she can't say I didn't call her back and listen to the options given.
I did find a bakery that ships in peanut free cookies, and will ask if I can supplies snacks for birthday parties, but I'm sure that will be turned down too.  It's frustrating when I've tried to offer ways around it, even at a financial cost to myself and still might  not work.

I agree with CM's post above. I think this is going to work out because the teacher and nurse seem like they get it.  The administrator is the problem.  Administrators usually DO know better, but they will stonewall and delay so they can avoid having to grant documented accomodations.  The doctor note will help too.

Just go to the meeting with all your information ready. The law IS on your side.  Serving allergens in your child's classroom is NOT prudent.  if the meeting does not go well, I'd state in writing that you feel the Administrator is putting your child at risk of a severe / life threatening reaction to his/her allergens.  Even quote the nurse and teacher as being helpful (examples) but call the Principal out on his refusal to provide safe accomodations for your child and you WILL be holding him liable if your child has a reaction and he didn't take prudent steps / simple accomodations to avoid risk. State that nut-free classrooms are available in MANY school districts (research locally and give examples) and this is a COMMON accomodation for children with life threatening food allergies. And, it is NOT necessary for other children to eat those foods but it IS necessary for your chlid to completely avoid these allergens to avoid a life threatening reaction.  Refer to recent deaths and Nathan Walters.  Conisder copying Principal's boss.

I'm thinking you are going to win this.  Stay calm, firm, confident, and strategic.  Provide documents like OCR Letter to Gloucester and ADAA and AAAAI Position Statement on Anaphylaxis.  Start documenting princpal's refusal to provide a safe environment and the fact he is putting your child at unnecessary risk.

When the parents know their stuff, this usually goes well now, after ADAA and OCR Letter to Gloucester.

... and I do know of one due process hearing that went WELL.  (In CT.)

I also know that the odds are not in a family's favor once it gets to that point, because for that ONE case, I also know of about seven others where it did not go well in the end.

Was Gloucester successful?

I started a thread to discuss anything we can find as to current situation in Gloucester.

It's here:
Gloucester County Schools, Virginia

I agree but I would not think of going that route without hand holding by a paid food allergy advocate or possibly even a lawyer and I would want to avoid having to hire a lawyer if at all possible.  I would want to avoid going up that ladder unless it is necessary. 

who here has had that go well?  We had a whole thread about how it usually DOESN'T.  My experience with the OCR is they were a lot of talk with no action.  Their talk helped and I got a lot of changes made at one town organization but in the end we deadlocked on a simple, basic accommodation and I couldn't make them budge.  The OCR suggested various strategies, making it sound as though they would do something but in the end they did nothing.  I'm not impressed.