I need to talk to our principal for the second time in a day first thing tomorrow morning and need to figure out the most important points I need to make on short notice.
Yesterday a boy in DD's class (second grade) threatened to rub nuts on her face at lunch. She hid under the table in the lunchroom because she was so scared and then didn't tell anyone. She didn't tell me until dinner last week. I promptly e-mailed the Assistant Principal (regular principal just gave notice yesterday and the AP usually deals w/this stuff anyway) and the teacher. AP dealt with the situation first thing this morning, but his response was very weak. He called the kid into his office and told him how serious it was, etc. and then just had him write an apology to DD. Fastforward to dinner tonight: it turns out the literally 5 minutes after this kid left the AP's office, he did something similar on the playground at recess. This time he held up his snack in front of DD, pantomimed throwing it at her and said, 'This is a peanut'. SO I e-mailed teacher and AP again. I used the words bullying someone due to her disability in last night's message. Tonight I said that I consider this to be the same thing as threatening someone with a gun or knife.
I'm going to talk to the AP first thing tomorrow, but am not even sure what to ask for. Any ideas on what I want them to do to make sure this doesn't happen again or any particular language that I should use (or not use).
I'm documenting everything. Just don't have time to read through all of the threads about this tonight and don't want to mess up in the morning.
Thanks so much!
You used the right words (bullying based on a disability). In my state, this *requires* action by school staff.
I would request that this child be MONITORED and SUPERVISED and not allowed within XX feet of your DD (not within range of a conversation. I'd also ask that the child's parents be notified (if you want that and think it'd help).
I would tell them you are very concerned and I'd put it in writing (email is fine).
Document everything and put it in writing.
I would stress to the school that you understand that the child probably doesn't understand how badly he could harm her and that it is THEIR job to teach him that and to protect your child both form the potential physical danger and from the emotional harm of this child's actions. If they are in the same class it is within your rights to request your daughter be reassigned but it is probably NOT in your rights to request the other child be moved. ( it wouldn't be here)
I think you're on the right path by framing this in terms of what you want done. With my kids and school I formally request a written incident report with date, time, names, event. I formally request a copy sent to the other child's parents. Essentially, I close the information loop so no one can blow smoke up my rear feigning ignorance of relevant facts.
I would send a written letter documenting the *known* incidents ASAP and formally request incident reports with the parents of the bully copied on to that. One of DS1's previous preschools had an observation window. I witnessed one child who didn't know I was watching swipe at his face twice, each time looking to see if a teacher was occupied elsewhere. The second time I burst into the room and removed my child from where the other student was and informed the student teachers (the lead was out that day). Although the bullying student was new to this class I could tell he had a 'system' in place so I saw clearly this was not remotely the first time he had laid hands on my son.
On this I would choose to escalate quickly and appropriately. Maybe DOE if the school isn't acting on this sufficiently? There's a recent publication on state bullying laws at the end of the linked PDF. http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/opepd/ppss/reports.html#safe (http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/opepd/ppss/reports.html#safe)
Thanks so much for your help with this everyone. Unfortunately, while the school did address the situation promptly again this morning, their response is weak and they refuse to understand the seriousness of this situation.
It also became very clear to me when observing this kid today that he is not going to stop. I also know that he 'had' to leave the neighborhood school he attended last year for some behavioral reason and transferred to our school (not in his neighborhood). He is bad news and I am worried sick about what he is capable of.
Our school is under transition as our principal resigned this week. Assistant Principal is a good guy and tries to work with me, but he simply does not get it (or refuses to get it). Now I have to figure out what to do.
Hk, there is a letter from some sort of Federal Agency (don`t recall who) regarding disability harassment and the fact that it is illegal. What you are describing is disability harassment. It is illegal according to federal law, just as harassment due to race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. is. Disabled people are a protected class. I posted an old letter from some sort of federal agency about disability harassment on the old board. Then someone posted an updated link with a more current letter. Perhaps someone can find it on the old board and re-raise it? I posted it under School Resources. I think ajasfolks might know where it is. I think this letter should help you a lot. If it were my child, I would stop referring to it as bullying, and start referring to it as disability harassment or harassment due to disability when communicating with the school. I was disability harassed when dd was in first grade. I copied the letter, wrote a letter to the principal about how disability harassment is illegal, and that took care of it.
ETA: I have the hard copy of the old letter filed away somewhere in my house. If no one can find the link, I will look for the letter, and can probably figure out what exactly to google to find a link to the letter. It really spells out that the school is not legally permitted to tolerate disability harassment.
Hk, I found the letter I posted. I hope this helps. It worked great when I gave a copy to our school.
http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html (http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html)
Quote from: Carefulmom on January 06, 2012, 10:52:52 PM
Hk, I found the letter I posted. I hope this helps. It worked great when I gave a copy to our school.
http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html (http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html)
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed.
Let us know how it goes.
I hope that letter helps them take this seriously. :disappointed:
Hk, any news?
DOJ paper on strategies and their respective effectiveness for police departments on addressing bullying in schools. Worth skipping to halfway point from there pay more attention.
www.cops.usdoj.gov/files/ric/publications/e07063414-guide.pdf (http://www.cops.usdoj.gov/files/ric/publications/e07063414-guide.pdf)
Quote from: Carefulmom on January 11, 2012, 08:25:32 PM
Hk, any news?
Unfortunately, the news is that the bullying is continuing. The bully told DD on Monday that he was 'going to pound her with nuts'. Our principal left on Tuesday and an interim one started today. I e-mailed the assistant principal Monday night requesting a meeting with him and the interim principal so they can tell me what they intend to do to keep my child safe at school. He was responsive and said he would get back to me when the new guy started today and then avoided me when I was in the lunchroom today.
I did find out that this kid and his twin brother are both so bad that neither of them is allowed to go anywhere in the school without an adult escorting them. I've been in the lunchroom every day since this started and I have witnessed this kid punch at least 4 other kids. He is escorted to the principal's office with his lunch tray on most days.
It's disrupting my life to have to bring DD's lunch to her and supervise everyday, but I really don't feel like I have a choice right now. No way am I leaving her lunch unattended in the nut-free bin outside the classroom with that kid around.
So I'm giving them until Friday to get back to me. There is a good chance I will be hiring an attorney. I'm beyond frustrated. Thanks for asking!
Wow; I'm so sorry.
That seems like a dreadful situation-- hopefully the administrative change is ultimately a blessing in disguise and you wind up with a much more proactive administrative response to the situation.
Have you involved the police at this point?
Can you arm your dd with a cell phone? That way if she were to feel threatened, at least she could call someone to tell.
Quote from: CMdeux on February 01, 2012, 04:50:21 PM
Wow; I'm so sorry.
That seems like a dreadful situation-- hopefully the administrative change is ultimately a blessing in disguise and you wind up with a much more proactive administrative response to the situation.
Have you involved the police at this point?
Can you arm your dd with a cell phone? That way if she were to feel threatened, at least she could call someone to tell.
The cell phone is a good idea. Thank you. DD gets so scared that she doesn't tell anyone what's going on until I pick her up from school. The cell phone is a great idea even though I never thought I'd have to get one for a 7 year old.
I'm reading the article someone posted above about bullying/police. It's definitely a possibility. The school is treating this like the kid is just saying something mean to her and refuse to see my perspective, which is that he is threatening her life with a weapon that is easy to obtain.
This kid is diabolical. One look in his eyes and I know I will be at that school at lunchtime every single day for the rest of the year.
Seems to me that if I were in your shoes -- if did not get SWIFT and CERTAIN answers and action from the VP and interim Prin -- I'd be elevating to Superintendent.
Quickly.
And cc'ing the "safety" assessment branch head (and/or other related) for the district (if one exists).
Wow, that kid sounds really out of control. It does not speak well of the school that they are allowing him to be there day after day while there's repeated physical violence and threats. I guess those adults shadowing him aren't preventing violence if he's punching people repeatedly during the lunch period. Maybe you'll get lucky and the kid will be sent to a program for kids with behavioral issues.
I agree that it's time to climb the ladder and take this to the superintendent's office. You shouldn't have to go to lunch every day. Your child has the right to feel safe. This is ay out of hand. If high-level administration won't do anything, I'd go to the police.
Regarding the cell phone, you may have to fight for her to be able to carry it. My son's school (before he attended) didn't allow students to carry them. They were to be left in lockers. I was going to fight with them because part of the reason my son has a phone is because of his allergy. They changed the rule (prior to me going in, so not because of me) and students can carry phones but they are to be OFF in the school. If it rings or you are seen using it, they take it away and you have to pick it up end of day at the office.
At 7 the rules (if there is one) may be that students are not allowed to have them. But, fight them about that if you have to. Only let her use it for parents, and don't you call her through the day. That may seem a no-brainer, but lots of parents do call their kids through the school day.
I completely understand why kids have to keep the phones turned off, but those few seconds it takes for a phone to turn on are going to seem like a lifetime to a kid having an allergic reaction.
What a horrible situation, I'm sorry you aren't getting any help. I would let the supt. know you are contacting police and/or lawyer if it isn't handled immediately!
Are there any other parents having issues, maybe you can all gang up on the school.
Quote from: hezzier on February 02, 2012, 10:31:11 AM
I completely understand why kids have to keep the phones turned off, but those few seconds it takes for a phone to turn on are going to seem like a lifetime to a kid having an allergic reaction.
My son leaves his on. The only time it rang during the school day it was the carrier reminding him he was running low on minutes. I suggested turning the ringer off through the day, but then he forgets to turn it back up after school, and I freak when I can't get hold of him.
Hk, did you end up giving the school the letter from OCR regarding disability harassment? If not, I would do that. Also, I am wondering if this is something that you can contact OCR about? I see this as a civil rights issue. Your dd is disabled and therefore, is a protected class. I see it as no different from being harassed due to ethnic group, religion, etc. What do you think about calling OCR and seeing what they say?
Quote from: Carefulmom on February 02, 2012, 01:17:52 PM
Hk, did you end up giving the school the letter from OCR regarding disability harassment? If not, I would do that. Also, I am wondering if this is something that you can contact OCR about? I see this as a civil rights issue. Your dd is disabled and therefore, is a protected class. I see it as no different from being harassed due to ethnic group, religion, etc. What do you think about calling OCR and seeing what they say?
I have it printed out waiting for the meeting that they still haven't scheduled (requested it Monday, but interim principal started just yesterday).
There is a new (and alarming to me anyway) twist that happened less than an hour ago. As I mentioned, I've been bringing DD's lunch everyday and staying in the cafeteria during lunch. The boy tried to steal a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup from someone. I went over to the assistant principal and said that this kid trying to get possession of something containing nuts needs to be dealt with immediately. He seemed to think the problem that this kid was trying to steal someone else's food and didn't even get that he could be trying to obtain a weapon to use against my daughter. ??? Am I totally overreacting to this? My DH and one of my friends think so (and DH has been pretty good regarding the allergies for the past year or so).
I said that we were still waiting to schedule the meeting with him and he said he'd get back to me. I'm willing to give that until tomorrow, but only because I am there most of the time anyway and because I haven't been able to locate a good attorney for this yet (DH is actually working on it).
I'm pretty sure we have a tough road ahead on this one. The positive side of this is that the school has been pretty good about a lot of things for us - food-free classroom, etc. It's not enough, but I'm trying to balance it out in my mind.
QuoteAm I totally overreacting to this?
NO. from what I've read here, I don't think you're overreacting. I think you have shown great restraint.
(But I'm pretty sure my picture is still on a dart board in the staff room where my first two went to school.)
This child has a history of physical aggression. He has made a threat to endanger your child. No, you are not over-reacting. :console:
Oh--GOSH no.
I'd be printing out every bullying incident re: food allergy that has EVER hit the news, and then I'd be stapling them together into a dossier for use with the local authorities.
Give the school a deadline for meeting with you to tell you about their plan for protecting your child-- and make it clear that you WILL be contacting the police if they do not do so.
Your child is being threatened and harrassed on the basis of her disability, and also being effectively stalked by someone with a history of violence and aggression. NO, I do not believe that you are over-reacting.
Still wondering....what about calling OCR? If they are in agreement with you and are willing to call the school, that would be much cheaper than an attorney. And maybe more effective.
I would be less concerned about a cell phone but more concerned with teaching my daughter to get up and walk to the school office when placed in that situation again. Let them see it, up front and personal - she knows to tell a teacher, hide under the table, etc.
I have told both boys they can walk out of any situation and straight to the office or nurse and I will take care of the disciplinary action, if any. Their well-being and health is more important.
I would be freaking out! I think you're right on the money too that he was looking to take that RPBCup for reasons other than him wanting to eat it.
Why, why can't they discipline this child and get the situation under control?
I would head up the chain of command and demand some action/resolution to the situation.