We had a very close call at home this morning, and it feels like a huge setback in terms of my daughter's anxiety about food. ARRGH. I was up late with my 3 year old, who's had croup. So my husband got up early to make breakfast, which was nice. What wasn't good--when he stopped at the store on the way home late last night, he picked up a package of sweet rolls in addition to the milk we needed. I've made sweet rolls before, but with egg replacer. He saw some in the refrigerator section that appeared to be egg-free. But he didn't pick up one of those packages (which scare me, too. Totally paranoid about x-contamination.) I came downstairs, smelling something cinnamon-y, and saw sweet rolls on everyone's plates. Nobody had started eating yet, though. I dashed into the kitchen and pulled the wrapper out of the garbage, and sure enough, they had eggs in them. ARGH. So I grabbed all of the plates off the table and tried to ditch the rolls without anyone noticing (planning to talk to husband once DD went to school), but she walked in, saw what I was doing, and figured it out. Then came the tears, and the millions of anxious questions. "Did those touch the counter?" "Is there egg on the table now?" "My hair feels wet--do you think there's egg in it?" My husband feels terrible, and I don't think he realized just how big a problem the anxiety was until now. And, of course, I think he'll never make this mistake again. Nor will I let him. UGH.
OH, wow.
I'm so sorry!!
:console:
On the bright side, now your DH has seen for himself what a problem the anxiety can become.
Oh no.
In our house we use the 3-read rule each and everytime with no exceptions. Read all the ingredients at the store. Read all the ingredients before putting the product away into the cabinet/refrigerator. Read all the ingredients once more before opening the package. This helped to ensure that there is less chance of error. Perhaps this may be a practice to start in your family as well.
That is a good rule, Allergymum. I'm afraid I made my husband sound like a horrible person. He's really pretty terrific--just dropped the ball big-time on this one. But I don't think it'll happen again. He scrubbed down half the house as penance. ;)
Great rule Allergymum.
Eggallergymom, how old is your DD? And I second CM's comment that it's good that your DH saw it in action. So many of us have had issues with significant others "getting it". This was a good learning experience for him, unfortunately at your DD's expense.
Sorry too about the 3 year old with croup. My son is now almost 18, and I swear I have PTSD wrt croup. I used to "joke" that we could have as many words for it as Eskimos have for snow. I hope your little one is better tonight.
:console:
My DD is 7, Going Nuts. My husband has always stayed at arm's length from the medical stuff, which has been a problem both with the food allergy and with my son's diagnosis. So I've been running the show for years, and am very, very careful. I think this morning made an impression on him, both in terms of the real risk involved and how easy it can be to screw up, and how anxious a screw-up makes our daughter. The allergist has actually suggested having my DH come in for an appointment to talk to him, so he can answer any questions and make it abundantly clear that her allergy is, in fact, life-threatening. I may push harder on that front. Is it clear this has been a source of friction? ;)
I am thinking about putting together a "In case I'm hit by a bus" file for him--no joke--that would contain a list of everyone's docs, all of my son's specialists, details about their conditions (both boys are allergic to meds) and contact info for the therapists, etc. Because if I WERE to get hit by a bus, he'd be lost.
And yes, croup stinks! My 5 year old has a very narrow airway (because of his DS) so he needs breathing treatments for croup two or three times a year. My 3 year old is a hale and hearty kid, but even he needed steroids in the ER this time. I'm earning my gray hair this week. :)
Quote from: AllergyMum on October 28, 2011, 11:16:18 AM
Oh no.
In our house we use the 3-read rule each and everytime with no exceptions. Read all the ingredients at the store. Read all the ingredients before putting the product away into the cabinet/refrigerator. Read all the ingredients once more before opening the package. This helped to ensure that there is less chance of error. Perhaps this may be a practice to start in your family as well.
:yes: Us too.
Awww, poor kid! We all make mistakes like this once in awhile. Luckily you caught it before anyone ate them.
So scary! Thank goodness it ended reasonably well and some good may come of it. My DH is also very aware, but just not OCD enough, lOl! :hiding:
That was a close call- thank goodness you realized. Hopefully, this may be a watershed moment for your husband in realizing how hard this is for you just in terms of label checking and being careful- and how much anxiety it produces in your daughter. I hope she is feeling a bit more comfortable now. Poor love.
Oh wow. I guess I am in the minority here, but I am totally with your dd on this one. I don`t see this as inappropriate anxiety; I see it as appropriate anxiety. Do I understand this right? If you had come in the kitchen five minutes later, your dd would have eaten the cinnamon rolls, and it would have been epi and 911, right? Your dd is the one who was given pudding at school from a teacher she was supposed to trust and then she had a severe reaction, right? Is your husband the stepdad or her actual dad? Sorry, but wow....either way she should be able to trust what she is told she can eat in her own home. Maybe I am missing something here, but I would expect more of the adult who lives with her---dad or stepdad. I realize his intentions are good by helping out with buying and preparing food, but hello? Where was he during the life threating pudding incident? Unless I have you confused with another person on the board, I am with your dd here. I think it would be very traumatic to have this sort of thing happen in her own home.
I'm really, really sorry. You know I understand; dd's in the midst of crippling anxiety now. I laughed at the "hit by a bus file" because that's something I need to do. Seriously. DH has been like your husband for many years until just a year or so ago. It isn't of course that he doesn't care, but that I'm the captain of that team and he works a hundred hours a week. He'd be too afraid to buy anything at the store by himself! Afraid of me if he messed up! :yes:
I wish we lived near each other. Our dd's would be great friends I think. :heart:
Quote from: socks on a rooster on October 29, 2011, 11:16:05 AM
I'm really, really sorry. You know I understand; dd's in the midst of crippling anxiety now. I laughed at the "hit by a bus file" because that's something I need to do. Seriously. DH has been like your husband for many years until just a year or so ago. It isn't of course that he doesn't care, but that I'm the captain of that team and he works a hundred hours a week. He'd be too afraid to buy anything at the store by himself! Afraid of me if he messed up! :yes:
I wish we lived near each other. Our dd's would be great friends I think. :heart:
I think that makes a lot of sense. If it is over the dad`s head to read an ingredient label or he is afraid to take on that huge responsibility, that`s okay, just don`t buy anything. But to buy something and not carefully read the label, that is completely different. I think this is the kind of story that if the teacher gave the child these cinnamon rolls that clearly have egg as an ingredient, most of us on the board would be jumping all over it. :yes: If it is the parent, it is even more traumatic for the child. I really feel for your dd to have this happen in her own home.
Carefulmom, both my husband and I are taking this close call very seriously. That's the silver lining of a close call--you can learn something important from it. Was it a terrible thing to have happen? Of course. Does it mean my husband is a terrible, neglectful father? Of course not. He's a loving Dad who made a big mistake, and he appreciates that. We have already talked at length about what happened, and how we can make sure it never happens again. I was not cavalier in my original post, I didn't post it in an "Aw, shucks, look what happened!" kind of tone.
Oh, and I wish we lived closer too, Socks. ;)
No, you weren`t at all cavalier, but it seemed like your biggest concern is your dd`s anxiety. I don`t think any child who is given something unsafe by a parent in their own home is going to not feel anxious. That was my point. If she can`t count on both of her parents to read labels before giving her food, any child with LFTA is going to feel anxious, no? If I had given my dd something that unsafe, she would have reacted exactly the same as your dd. And my dd does not have an anxious personality. It is traumatic for a child with LFTA to be told something is safe when it isn`t, more so if it is a parent who gave it to them.
Glad you came in when you did eggallergymom. I understand how this could happen, and I understand why it would make your dd anxious. I've had to intervene a few times here too with wrong milks being poured by DH. Heck, I poured the wrong milk once and caught myself and I'm incredibly anal with the allergies and food in the house. Mistakes can happen. FWIW, I didn't take your post as most concerned with your dd's anxiety. I interpreted that you understood her anxiety, you were relieved you caught the mistake, and that your DH got the message.
Thanks, my3guys. That was what I was going for with my post. :)
How is your daughter doing now about all this?
AllergyMum, she has a bad case of bronchitis, so we've been busy with that the last few days. Her school is just rife with germs right now, and everything seems to be hitting earlier this year than in years past. Not sure why.
She and my DH have talked through what happened, and talked about how we'll make sure it never happens again. He's also apologized to her. I've instituted the great 3-check rule, so that he knows to check the labels at the store, when he's putting the food away, and before he serves it (thanks for that!) I am continuing to be vigilant, too.
I haven't seen the compulsive hand-washing, and she hasn't been asking a million questions about the source of the food, which is good. We'll see how things go over the next month or so.
Bottom line--it was a huge mistake, he's aware of it and is changing his behavior, and she seems to be doing okay. Thanks again for your feedback, everyone. I knew it was a risk to post something like this, but thought it might be a useful discussion to have.
I'm glad she is dealing well with it. Is it a big deal? Yes, but we all make mistakes. I've done it myself. You learn from it, and scare yourself silly with what ifs, and you try not to do it ever again.
Knowing from past experience, it's really important that your DH gets involved. My DH travels constantly so he doesn't deal with the day to day activities, meals, etc. A year and a half ago, we were on vacation and I got the call on a Monday that my mother was in the hospital, but it wasn't serious yet so my sister told me to just wait a bit to see how things unfold. By Tuesday night, she was heading to ICU and I was on a plane the next morning at 6 am. I just left. Luckily we rented a house and all the food that I brought/bought was safe for our DS. But because DH doesn't deal with this stuff, he called me constantly to check brands and foods and how to handle a cake that was being served that DS couldn't eat. Luckily I was available by phone/text/email...what if it had been me in the hospital? How was my DH going to handle it then?
It's definitely more work to keep our DH's involved, but worth it in the long run.