I know it's the dumbest thing ever but maybe some here will understand. Ever since dd was diagnosed (at age 1 for tree nuts, 2 for peanuts) we have always just eaten what she can safely eat and gone to restaurants that are safe. We never left her with anyone because dh's family refuse to understand or learn about her allergies (my family live far away but they don't understand either). We never left the other kids either, just because it was normal for us to always be with our kids and take them with us. Now dd is 16 and dh's sister wanted to have the kids over to watch a movie. Now that dd is older, we felt fairly safe doing this (we provided snacks and dd had her meds, of course). DH and I went to a chinese buffet to eat while the kids were there. I am so used to avoiding these places it felt wrong somehow. Like I was cheating.
They had "peanut butter chicken" on the buffet and I avoided everything near it and washed my hands well before we left (dh did too).
I actively sought out Thai food when I would be away from home for a night. It felt vaguely wrong is some sort of way.
I did it any ways. Eight years is a long time to go without Pad Thai!
Don't feel bad. You don't have the allergy. Your dd wasn't in any danger. This is more changing comfort zones as the kids get older.
Oh, I understand that feeling, but not enough to not eat some things away from home, lol. But, the one thing I do not eat is peanuts or peanut butter. That one scares me enough that I don't want it even on my breath when I come home. But otherwise, I do eat milk and eggy things away from home and even at home at night. Ice cream, for example.
Oh, yes-- DH and I used to get Chinese take-out once in a long while, and eat it (get this);
in the garage on a disposable plastic party tablecloth after DD went to bed at night...
LOL. Yup. Felt like... well, something wrong and furtive, anyway.
Now that DD is older we'll sometimes go out for Indian food late in the evening and she'll stay here.
:yes: plastic table cloth and disposable utensils here too, for the very rare Chinese or the (gasp) yellow cake with chocolate icing DH commissions a coworker to make for me every now and then. We feel guilty and then move on! You are not alone!
I do an annual walk where they have peanuts and PB. I always had those on the first and second day, and loved it, because I knew I would not see DS. And I loved it ;D But I refrained on day 3, because I knew I would not be able to wash my hands before seeing DS at the end.
It's pretty much a mutual understanding that M lives on Thai and Middle Eastern food when we're apart (24 hours gap for kissing / sex / sleeping next to each other works for us; YMMV). Last time I was out of town, a chef friend of ours actually ran a Thai burger special with peanut sauce just for him. :heart:
I'm pretty sure that DH is excited that my summer at camp means he can have commercially produced smoothies again. :)
Remember this? Tonight dh and I left the kids at his sister's again. When we picked them up ds asked where we ate and dh told him Bob Evans. DD says "you guys sure have a lot of fun when my allergy isn't hanging over your heads". Well that's probably that. I already felt bad enough. I doubt I'll ever feel right eating at a place where she can't again. The next time we have a chance to get away, we'll be going to our usual fast food joints (since there are no safe sit-down places near us other than that).
I'm sorry she made you feel bad about eating somewhere.
I would say something similar as a sarcastic joke, but not seriously. (But I'm not a teenager.)
jessica,
im sorry too, but ya, she's a kid....
just enjoy your time to get away and go wherever you want.....
Sometimes they need to understand that other people can do things.....
I snuck some plain M&Ms the other day, havent had them in years........OMG so good....
I just didnt tell her.
Quote from: Scout on July 22, 2012, 08:57:18 AM
jessica,
im sorry too, but ya, she's a kid....
just enjoy your time to get away and go wherever you want.....
Sometimes they need to understand that other people can do things.....
I snuck some plain M&Ms the other day, havent had them in years........OMG so good....
I just didnt tell her.
Exactly.
And as badly as I feel about this particular issue, they do need to know that the world doesn't revolve around them and their allergies.
When DS was little I avoided everything he needed to avoid because I was so fearful of harming him by kissing him, or him taking my food, etc. At 18, this is no longer an issue. Sadly, he's no longer curling up on my lap, letting me smother him with kisses, and he knows not to take a bite of anyone else's food or a sip of anyone else's drink.
There is no reason for me to eliminate healthy things from my diet in solidarity with him. Truly, it doesn't matter.
Don't give in to emotional blackmail. ;) Teens are soooooo good at it.
GN, that reminded me of something funny that happened here. My son (14) had gone to his friend's home for a while. When he got home, he walks in, holds his hand up like a policeman stopping traffic and says "DON'T KISS ME! I just ate peanutbutter."
Needless to say, the next day when he came home (with his friend) I asked him if he had eaten peanutbutter and when he said no.....I kissed him. When I turned to his friend, he kind of jumped back and (laughing) said "I always eat peanutbutter".
:rofl:
:rofl:
My kids are fine when we go out to eat and know that we often go to places they cannot eat. They don't begrudge us that fact - even though DS1 is only 7.5, he has a clear knowledge of what I do to keep him safe at home, school and out and about (I am not kidding when I say he was born an old man).
We have curtailed any thoughts about feeling bad about their allergies - we talk about what they can do. Woe is me, imo will lead to risk taking.
If any of my children had the nerve to be that disrespectful to me, it will be nipped in the bud. The world will not change for you, you have to adapt to the world. And if she thinks restaurants should close and no one close to her dare eat at them because she cannot, she is in for a very lonely world.
DH and I have come to an understanding over the years in regards to my allergies, especially the drug allergies which have a longer half life than food. I understand that Tylenol doesn't always cut it (it doesn't always do it for me either but the alternatives that work for me cause him to have strange side-effects so I cannot expect him to take those). He knows he has to be honest about medications he is taking so as not to cause harm to me (post romantic relations and mad scratching are not ideal, let's just say).
I know many spouses and significant others take that care as well. It's a balance that I hope my own kids can strike in this world.
Seconding what GN said about teens and emotional blackmail...
which is particularly ironic in a teen, like my DD, who really hasn't had a lifetime of classroom cupcakes, etc. It's NEVER been "in your face" exclusion, so really, as a teen, if she lays a guilt trip on her dad and me for going to an Indian restaurant? That's just being a bit spoiled. Passive-aggressive, even. Not that it's never happened, mind. It's just that it's mostly about something other than food or exclusion. If you KWIM. ;)
Quote from: CMdeux on July 23, 2012, 10:46:12 AM
Seconding what GN said about teens and emotional blackmail...
which is particularly ironic in a teen, like my DD, who really hasn't had a lifetime of classroom cupcakes, etc. It's NEVER been "in your face" exclusion, so really, as a teen, if she lays a guilt trip on her dad and me for going to an Indian restaurant? That's just being a bit spoiled. Passive-aggressive, even. Not that it's never happened, mind. It's just that it's mostly about something other than food or exclusion. If you KWIM. ;)
agree. I wouldn't let my ds lay that guilt trip on me.