OMG I was just told don't take her trick or treating.

[livingnutfree]

  my friend asked why i'm taking my dd trick or treating when all her candy will touch nuts. i said she doesnt eat any of it primarily because they aren't labeled (didnt want to get into it with this one who doesnt get it so gave her that explaination). she says why don't you save the candy for the kids who will eat it. that's the dumbest thing i've heard all day. your going to baby her forever. then she starts telling me about a friend who's dd sits with others at the lunch table and eat all her candy and is deathly allergic to peanuts. i just say well thats her choice. i say you dont get it so dont bash me for keeping my kid safe. she says she does get it because of her friend.    i can't believe she said these things to me wait yes i can she's always on me about it and i am now going to stop talking to her. i dont need her bashing me. thanks had to vent somewhere.

[TabiCat]

Nothing to say but hugs to you

[CMdeux]

Hmmm sounds like someone was in character early in the day.  (As a WITCH.)

UGH.

No, she obviously does NOT 'get it.'


 Not even a little-- or she'd know/realize that this is one of about the three most incredibly, awfully, HORRIBLY stressful days of the entire freaking YEAR for a FA parent.

Don't let a person with a pathological big mouth and a complete lack of compassion ruin your day-- or your DD's enjoyment of being a child first and an FA child a distant second.

Next time she brings it up-- point out that your child is DONATING the collected candy...

and then follow through.  Places that would love to have our rejected bagged ToT candy--

women's/children's shelters, homeless shelters, your local emergency food pantry, local first responders, children's units in local hospitals, hospice facilities, etc. etc. etc.

[mom2AnH]

Wow, yea ... I agree with CM .... definitely someone was in the spirit of the holiday a bit early!

FWIW - our ped. dentist office pays you to bring your candy into them .... and they then package the candy up and send it to troops overseas. 

[GingerPye]

Yeah, doesn't sound like a friend to me.  What's it to her, anyway?  You are doing what you feel you have to do! 

[aggiedog]

Halloween is horribly stressfull.  I'm confused, though.  Your friend said "don't take her" because you were planning to, or "do take her" because you weren't?  Sorry I can't seem to figure it out from your post.  Maybe it's my late night brain.

[AllergyMum]

Sorry, that is terrible.

My MFA son can not eat 99.99% of any type of candy.  He goes trick-or-treating just like all the other kids, and at the end of the night we traded the whole bag for a bag of safe candy and a new toy.

Just because our kids can't eat the food, does not mean that they should be left out of the experience and fun of Halloween.

[livingnutfree]

I knew you all would understand.
i was absolutely furious.
Aggiedog- yah I was planning on (and did ) take her. My friend said it was a waste and I should save the candy for kids who would eat it. I told her we donate it. Which we do to a local dentist who sends it to the troops.
I could go on and on about this conversation but I'm sure some of I havve dealt with ppl who dont get it. Im not talking to herunlesd  she apologizes because that sent me ovrr the top.
on a positive note my dd had a blast. Made the switch when we got home n shes lile ooouuu thanks mom youve been hiding all this cool stuff.

[Mookie86]

I don't understand why people try to tell others what to do and why they are so judgmental.  They aren't aware of all details of the situation, so how could they possibly know best? 

I'm glad this supposed friend didn't ruin your dd's Halloween.

[kouturekat]

my friend asked why i'm taking my dd trick or treating when all her candy will touch nuts. i said she doesnt eat any of it primarily because they aren't labeled (didnt want to get into it with this one who doesnt get it so gave her that explaination). she says why don't you save the candy for the kids who will eat it. that's the dumbest thing i've heard all day. your going to baby her forever. then she starts telling me about a friend who's dd sits with others at the lunch table and eat all her candy and is deathly allergic to peanuts. i just say well thats her choice. i say you dont get it so dont bash me for keeping my kid safe. she says she does get it because of her friend.    i can't believe she said these things to me wait yes i can she's always on me about it and i am now going to stop talking to her. i dont need her bashing me. thanks had to vent somewhere.

Why???  DUH!  So our children can experience TorTing like any other kid.  The candy touches nuts?  So what.  That's why my child always wore gloves on Halloween.  He'd pick what looked like a nut-free option or, if he had to, a nut candy just to be polite.   Most of our candy (by all my kids) would get thrown away because it had peanuts or tree nuts.  And to all those people who say, "Well you're wasting food!  Throwing away people's hard-earned money!"  What those people are giving my child is the experience.  If they knew how happy my son was to go TorTing back in the day, they'd be so happy for him and wouldn't care that their candy got thrown away.  TorTing is about having fun dressing up, going around the block at night, counting up how much safe candy we would get, swapping out unsafe for a big stash of safe candy when they would get home.

No one is going to deny my son that privilege of a traditional American holiday.  And shame on those who try to make him or us feel bad about our family "traditions".  BTW, we don't feel bad and never did.

[twinturbo]

It's your life, your relationship but even if she apologizes and you two are good it would be wise to set her firmly in the category of persons dangerous to your kid. Dangerous in the sense of ignorance, not malice. Example in my life, one family member and one friend of many years previous to children who are eager to prove that they know more about peanut allergies and it's not that bad. Meaning, give NO opportunity for said type of person to sneak 'a bite' of allergen to your kid. Call me cynical or call me realistic of human nature.

When I get people who want to engage me about food allergies on terms they are familiar with I take control of the ground rules by going straight to clinical talk. I'm no CMDeux but the depth of what I do know is enough to put any layperson with wacky info on stun within about 30 seconds. The exception there is the dihydrogen monoxide protester type who have a passion in rejecting science, until I have the chance me to cut my teeth on a couple more that is.

Another solid tactic is simply ignoring or not explaining yourself. There's no right or wrong way but sometimes you need a short as possible way, know what I mean? Glad to hear you had a great time Trick or Treating.

[aggiedog]

Hmm, not trick or treating just because she can't eat the candy is pretty silly.  There's that whole other "dress up, run around with friends and family, then trade the candy in for something else" that your friend is not seeing.

Sorry.  I'm glad your dd got to go!

[tnmom]

I'm so very sorry your friend gave you a hard time.

One thing I have learned since the diagnosis of my dd's severe food allergies is that there are some people who just don't want to get it.  For some reason, their need to be right is more important to them.  I have no respect for these people.  They are sad, sad souls.  I have just learned it best to keep them out of our lives as much as possible. 

The funny thing is, it's usually people you wouldn't think would be this way:  a nurse, someone who also has suffered ana., and sadly, people who you thought really cared about you and your child.  In order to survive emotionally, you just have to write them off as pathetic and move on.

Hugs to you.  You're not alone.

[Carefulmom]

I'm so very sorry your friend gave you a hard time.

One thing I have learned since the diagnosis of my dd's severe food allergies is that there are some people who just don't want to get it.  For some reason, their need to be right is more important to them.  I have no respect for these people.  They are sad, sad souls.  I have just learned it best to keep them out of our lives as much as possible. 

The funny thing is, it's usually people you wouldn't think would be this way:  a nurse, someone who also has suffered ana., and sadly, people who you thought really cared about you and your child.  In order to survive emotionally, you just have to write them off as pathetic and move on.

Hugs to you.  You're not alone.

QFT.  My dd is 16, so I have been at this for a long time.  I have learned that with some people it is best not to engage.  If you get the sense that they enjoy challenging you or they have control issues, as this "friend" seems to, I have found it best to just make a very short one sentence brief vague response, and keep repeating it no matter what they say.  Some people just want to get a rise out of you, so I would make every effort not to let that happen.  I would imagine you were caught off guard to hear something so illogical from someone who is supposed to be a friend, but in a situation like that I would say something like (if asked why you are taking her T or Ting) "Because it can be safely done and there is no reason not to enjoy the holiday".  I personally stopped giving detailed explanations like this to certain people years ago.  I pick my one sentence and no matter what they say I repeat it over and over.  If they try to rattle me, I find that this rattles them instead.

[GingerPye]

Yes, sad but true.  You really find out who your true friends are; who is sympathetic or empathetic and who doesn't give a hoot.  Food allergies, as well as other conditions, make it very transparent.