I agree Youknowhow, and wish someone would write all that into an article that would be able to help convince others see it this way, too. I also do not get why it is seen as OK to leave FA kids out by people I know would NEVER be OK with it if roles were reversed. I don't understand the thought process. I told someone I thought it was that they valued the food more than our children's lives and that person told me it isn't that--it is that they value their idea of what they want for their child over what I want for my child. I don't know.
Uhhh... okay, I understand that isn't an entirely "rational" statement intended to be picked apart logically...
(and I've heard similar things over the years, too, fwiw... so I suspet this is quite a common rationale)
BUT--
What THEY want for their child = FUN! Birthday indulgence! Feeling special-special-special in front of all his/her classmates... warm happy glow of... happiness, let's say (being generous, since I strongly suspect that in at least some cases, it might well be "smug" or "superior" instead, but how ugly is THAT?)
versus what FA moms want, which would be...
I "want" for my child = for my child to not be made:
a) dead,
b) permanently brain-damaged
c) terrified for his/her life while his/her peers and trusted authority figure(s) laugh and have fun by isolating him/her
d) made the butt of jokes or insensitive commentary by everyone in his/her surroundings
I mean, that
is the comparison that we are talking about here. It really is. They simply don't even understand that a and b on my list are real, or that those might be "needs" rather than WANTS.
That's why I still view that statement as patently callous and selfish. Sorry, but one person's desire to IMPROVE already
good feelings/self-esteem at the price of another child's terror (or actual harm) = 'inhumane and more than a wee bit sociopathic.'
That is truly akin to the kind of thinking that serial killers use about their victims; a disengagement from them as "human" with the same fears, needs, and relevance as the killer's. I think that other parents (cupcake queens, mind) DEHUMANIZE us and our children so that they don't have to feel guilty about what they choose to do anyway.