Tired of the Special Treatment

[Mfamom]

Mfamom

Types of special treatment would include something like when a child brings in treats for their birthday and because you can't enjoy said treat you get something that others didn't get. To understand my views, you should know that I'm the kind of person that would rather go without than to receive treatment different from my peers. This is pretty close to what I meant "It seems like people who are educated can't help but try to help someone with allergies manage a situation"

I would prefer that in the classroom, if a treat is not safe for ALL the children in the classroom that no food is used in the celebration/lesson etc.
I think it is wrong for a child to sit in school and stand out like a sore thumb declining treats while his/her classmates devour cookies/cupcakes whatever. 
I don't consider it a "Lifeskill" either.  My child follows his food rules and knows how to manage his allergies.  He shouldn't be left out though during the school day. 

[Macabre]

I would add that the OP might not want to have his or her own special food as an 18 year old, but it should be hard to extrapolate from one's own older teenage desires what children should or should not need/have.

If so, then the OP seems to be saying that it's okay for a class of 25 to have cupcakes (even on a weekly basis some months during the school year)--all except for the child with the food allergy. 

Right?

My son was sent out of the classroom to sit in the hallway by himself so his classmates could eat cupcakes a parent just happened to bring to celebrate the teacher's birthday. 

Is that special treatment okay then?

[YouKnowWho]

I am tired of allergies being my sons instead of my sons being themselves but they have allergies.

Sometimes it would be nice to hear about the academic side of their school life and not so much about the food allergies.  Yes, DS1 handles his allergies well and he is forthcoming about them.

But DS1 and DS2 prefer to have a treat that is safe for them (Kindy and 1st grade).  And yes, they would like a whole lot less stress in the classroom in regards to food based projects (100 days of school involved a nice array of gluteny food and crafting).

[CMdeux]

Just observing that "gluteny" and "gluttony" have a lot in common phonetically.

<snark> probably have a fair amount in common in the context of that last post, too...   </snark>

Carry on. 

[Mfamom]

also, food in the classroom is distracting and cause for concern/high alert for kids with allergies especially when they don't know what the food contains (even when they aren't eating it)  Then kids stress about whether a shared item in the classroom (markers, supplies, desks etc) are contaminated. 
Also the smell of peanuts makes my son feel sick.  I'll quote him "I'd rather stand inside a Port o Potty on the hottest day in August than smell peanuts". 
He shouldn't have to deal with that when he's at school trying to get his education. 

[ajasfolks2]

Perhaps if school days by-and-large were not so defined by the use and abuse of food (in and out of the classrooms), then food allergies/anaphylaxis wouldn't take center stage as often?

Food in Schools ~Working List Eyeopener

http://allergy.hyperboards.com/action/view_topic/topic_id/9589


Food in Schools, Part Deux




Just my .02-worth today.

[Momcat]

I agree with the OP that shows of "concern" are embarrassing and ultimately not useful.  I would rather see matter-of-fact accommodation without comment.  I don't think it's healthy for my kids to hear expressions of pity and discussions of life-threatening possibilities as a matter of course.

[Mfamom]

I agree with the OP that shows of "concern" are embarrassing and ultimately not useful.  I would rather see matter-of-fact accommodation without comment.  I don't think it's healthy for my kids to hear expressions of pity and discussions of life-threatening possibilities as a matter of course.

I totally agree, I don't like the pity etc.  I do like show of concern displayed by "including" and being cooperative about food choices when kids with allergies are involved. 

[booandbrimom]

mkobhu, my son is 17 and very much like you - wants no special treatment or notice. As a parent, I do my best to respect his wishes. At the same time, I have a perspective that he does not.

My little sister is diabetic. She really hated telling people about her disease and thought it didn't require anything from other people. She rarely told people at work. However, one weekend when she was in her 20s, she attended an Outward Bound-type training weekend and just happened to tell her roommate (cheap company - required roommates) that she was diabetic.

Because of the change in exercise, her sugars dropped incredibly low in the middle of the night and she almost died. The only thing that saved her was the roommate remembered her diabetes and getting some orange juice into her before the paramedics got there.

My point is that teens are very aware of feeling socially awkward...but perhaps not as aware as they should be of risky behaviors. While the wish of every kid is to fit in and not be different during the teen years, there are good reasons for friends and school personnel to know about allergies (or diabetes), even if it can be embarrassing at times. It can be hard to think of yourself as different, but safety comes before social image.

I do agree that there comes a time when kids have to learn to just suck up being left out of food-oriented things, but that time is not the early school years with their constant cupcakes. I think most of the parents here recognize that they have to let go of the reins more and more, starting around 5th grade.

Here's my question for you: why do you feel the need to post on a board of mostly moms about this? I love that you're here - don't get me wrong - but I can't figure out what you're trying to tell us. Are you mad because moms who go overboard with their protections make your life harder?

P.S. Keep in mind that a lot of us find things so hard because we are dealing with MANY allergies, not just nuts.

[Astyas]

As so many people have brought up so many times, allergies are a varied disease. There's a huge difference between the steps that different people have to take for different allergens. Then there's another huge leap between what we can expect in different social situations. I never want to do *anything* that diminishes someone else's challenges. ie: Even if I don't have to worry about cross contamination in some cases, I don't want to brush it off as something that someone else doesn't have to worry about.

I've run into a lot of situations where fellow allergy... contenders(?) will say something along the lines of "Well, I've never had that problems and all the people around me have no problem." without realizing that their situation isn't the only situation. Those are times when I wish there was less taboo associated with communicating our needs. Because they are needs. It feels kind of rude to call ahead and find out the whole menu for personal event, but we NEED to do it. There's no ill intent attached to the action. We just want to be factual and safe.

I would venture that, for that taboo to disappear, we need to decide in ourselves that we're not raising an uncomfortable subject. We're not being rude, or overbearing, or infringing on other people's "food rights". We're simply making sensible decisions. We check the weather before a road trip and that's not anything to be embarrassed over. Why not try to carry that same attitude over to our eating habits    

[SweetandSour]

As so many people have brought up so many times, allergies are a varied disease. There's a huge difference between the steps that different people have to take for different allergens. Then there's another huge leap between what we can expect in different social situations. I never want to do *anything* that diminishes someone else's challenges. ie: Even if I don't have to worry about cross contamination in some cases, I don't want to brush it off as something that someone else doesn't have to worry about.

I've run into a lot of situations where fellow allergy... contenders(?) will say something along the lines of "Well, I've never had that problems and all the people around me have no problem." without realizing that their situation isn't the only situation. Those are times when I wish there was less taboo associated with communicating our needs. Because they are needs. It feels kind of rude to call ahead and find out the whole menu for personal event, but we NEED to do it. There's no ill intent attached to the action. We just want to be factual and safe.

I would venture that, for that taboo to disappear, we need to decide in ourselves that we're not raising an uncomfortable subject. We're not being rude, or overbearing, or infringing on other people's "food rights". We're simply making sensible decisions. We check the weather before a road trip and that's not anything to be embarrassed over. Why not try to carry that same attitude over to our eating habits    

[Ra3chel]

I think some of the issue, especially for FA adults, is paternalism. I don't want peers / restaurants / manufacturers / whoever deciding on my behalf what is or isn't safe for me. I want them to give me enough information to make an informed decision, and then respect the decisions I make. Presumptive accommodation can be as frustrating and limiting as no accommodation, KWIM?

[CMdeux]

   Absolutely true; I can see that this irritates my DD as well. 

[mkobhu2]

Here's my question for you: why do you feel the need to post on a board of mostly moms about this? I love that you're here - don't get me wrong - but I can't figure out what you're trying to tell us. Are you mad because moms who go overboard with their protections make your life harder?

First things first I'm not mad at anyone. And admittedly i may have neglected to look at the demographic of the forum before posting, so if at any time durring this post i have offended any one I  am sorry for that.

[aggiedog]

Please don't feel unwelcome.  I think it's an issue of perspective.  As moms, we'll see the world differently than our kids will, whether it's FA's, make up, or who they should be dating.  I for one would love to hear from your side of the FA perspective.  Welcome!