"May Contain Tree Nuts"

[YouKnowWho]

DS2 is not allergic to tree nuts.  We have been periodically challenging tree nuts at home that are PF with success (with allergist's blessing because he shows no reaction on SPT or RAST to them).  His issues started out as legume related only and we were avoiding all "starchy" beans but those reactions seemed to have passed.  His only positive is peanuts at this point...

As a result, I have been lax on products that are a may contain for tree nuts such as Hershey Bars and some of DS1's gluten free foods.  I still don't give him overtly tree nutty foods that are not verified PF.

The PTA president was asking why we hadn't submitted our order form for the fundraiser.  Magazines that don't fit our lifestyle, wrapping paper that is too thick, the freaking expense.  She mentioned that the chocolates were Peanut Free.  Now, my definition of PF means they are on dedicated equipment.  The fundraiser's definition means they share lines with peanuts and tree nuts.  I may be lax, but not that lax (plus I refuse to support a company based on their screwed up definitions, kwim).  So I tried to explain that to this woman about while we do eat some shared lines stuff, we don't do shared lines with peanuts.

Now this woman has somewhat of an idea (I think the other co-president has been schooling her).  She questioned why I would allow shared tree nut lines since they often contaminated with peanuts.  (Mind you this is the same woman who told everyone I was a B for not letting my kids eat snowcones and Rita's without prior knowledge). 

Am I crazy to consider shared lines or may contains for tree nuts?  I would think the risk for contamination is high, but the risk for contamination with a tree nut that has contaminated with peanuts is a stretch...

[rebekahc]

You're doing fine, IMO.  If my kid was only allergic to peanuts, I would not worry about that may degrees of separation either.  Sounds like she's a bully trying to intimidate you - don't let her.   

[twinturbo]

For MFA with cross-reactivity like we have we have to crawl botanical families. The FDA also considers some drupaceous seeds to be tree nuts. I would leave it at telling someone the answer would require a serious investment of her time beginning with understanding how anaphylaxis occurs in the body per AllergistMom's blog entry.

People like that are more dangerous with partial information. There is no half-butting it here.

[SilverLining]

I agree with Rebekah.  She sounds like a bully.

I expect she'll be trying to force you to justify your decisions.  Don't.  It's not her business.

[twinturbo]

Agreed. It's a trap. You can't pierce perceptual defense.

[Janelle205]

Agreeing with everyone else here - she's being a bit ridiculous and seems to be trying to get into an argument with you.

Everyone here knows that life with allergies, especially with MFA is pretty much a risk benefit analysis on everything that you put in your mouth.  If I were in your situation, I'm pretty sure that I would do the same thing.  You're not having problems doing what you are doing, and while it is important to keep kids safe, it is also important for them to have treats and be restricted as little as possible.

[GingerPye]

what surprises me is that they are asking why you didn't order?!  So, do they call everyone who doesn't order?? 

More often than not I forget about those fundraisers, or else I send a check of money and don't order anything.  Half of it is candy that we cannot have and the other half is junk stuff that I don't want to spend my money on.  I'd rather the school get my money.

I agree-- that woman is trying to get a rise out of you and she just doesn't get FAs.  And she's obviously got a bee up her butt. 

[Mfamom]

tell her to MHOB
agree with everything posted, she's a bully.
totally uncool to outright ask why you didn't participate in the fundraiser. 

[YouKnowWho]

Small school and she knows who I am - we were at the PTA meeting last night for a concert.  She started with how much DS1 was admiring the prizes and asking if he sold enough to earn them.  Conversation snowballed from there.  Yes, she is a bully and a few other choice words.  I know that.

Basically my brain is not wired right currently and she had me judging what works for our family.  I just wanted to make sure I was not far off the mark, kwim?

[PurpleCat]

I'm speechless!  Really?  Looking for you to submit your order?

Now I know why I stay away from all fundraisers!

[twinturbo]

There's no way to explain how you have to trade off risks between so many allergens. After getting FA sandbagged midway seemingly casual conversations I now never assume any conversation will be innocent even with good friends or family.

[Ra3chel]

There's no way to explain how you have to trade off risks between so many allergens. After getting FA sandbagged midway seemingly casual conversations I now never assume any conversation will be innocent even with good friends or family.

I've explained it successfully as an issue of degrees of separation relative to level of risk. I'm comfortable with two degrees of separation: for instance, I wouldn't eat a may-contain, but I'm comfortable kissing M after he has (obviously not the issue here!), or with someone else eating it in my kitchen.

[twinturbo]

For some reason there is more disconnect with reality when you explain on behalf of kids, my best guess is it becomes conflated with how one parents as in overprotective.

[YouKnowWho]

It's weird because I am always "that" parent that makes a big deal over food.  Apparently I have the most allergic kids in the school for based on what I have to fight for (which all of us know isn't necessarily true, I just have knowledge of what is right and wrong legally).

And really you have to question why I don't want certain candy in my house or why I make the decisions that I do?  Considering that I am the reason you got your butt handed to you on a silver platter?

Like I said, serious case of self doubt.  Which is odd for me allergy wise because I am generally pretty confident, right or wrong in decisions that I make for the household.

[CMdeux]

There's no way to explain how you have to trade off risks between so many allergens. After getting FA sandbagged midway seemingly casual conversations I now never assume any conversation will be innocent even with good friends or family.

I've explained it successfully as an issue of degrees of separation relative to level of risk. I'm comfortable with two degrees of separation: for instance, I wouldn't eat a may-contain, but I'm comfortable kissing M after he has (obviously not the issue here!), or with someone else eating it in my kitchen.

Perfectly phrased. 

This is why I'm okay with products which share lines with may-contains... but not those which share them with known allergens (because in my mind that IS a "may contain" rather than possibly cross-contaminated with one).