Social Skills

[sneaker]

My dd in H.S. goes to a social skills group every week.  One of her LTFA is to milk, very hard socially.

There have been problems with the groups in the past.  Having parties with no food for her and then not notifying me as per her IEP and one time she sat and watched the other kids eat!  I did complain to Special Ed Director.  Things changed mostly.

But new school year, new social skills teacher & seems good this year, well run.

Then a few weeks ago they had a communications lesson.  My daughter said she does not order food over the phone.  When it was her turn, she gets assigned to order a pretend pizza from the social skills teacher.  My daughter also did say she does not eat pizza.  The pretend pizza ordering went on anyway. 

It's upsetting to me that this lesson was used.  My husband says that people just do not understand.

Am I over-reacting?  I think if there was not all the years and years of my daughter being left out of things and mess ups at school, I probably would not be upset.  But maybe I still would be.  Not all was bad but there were problems with LTFA, being classified and exclusion.

So should I say something to the social skills teacher?  This years group seems well run so I do not want to start a problem over nothing.  Also, my dd is not upset over this.  But it bothers me and maybe I can prevent future problems.

Also, we do have something in her IEP about the social or emotional part of allergies.

[twinturbo]

I'd bring it up under that heading, that you want to revisit one of the IEP goals then lay it out plainly. Think about what you want from them specifically as in retooling their thinking so that they don't come off so unknowingly insensitive when clearly it's part of the fundamental nature of the class and the goal. Is there some sort of self-advocacy accommodation in there by any chance so if DD stands up for herself she can do so without getting an academic ding for it? I would think the general idea is Mrs/Mr Teacher please be mindful of the disability's nature that it has affected communication and socializing. Simple request, straightforward. Can't guarantee the response will be reciprocated in good faith.

FWIW sped is not unknown to me. Two kids both with IEPs.

[PurpleCat]

The teacher needs social skills training!!!!!!!

Sorry...I could not help myself.  I'm from the land of IEP's that included social skills training.  Social skills training should not be rigid.  The point is not to teach the kids to be rigid and it "has" to go the way of the script.  Life is not like that....and eventually, I pulled my kiddo from social skills training at school and did it elsewhere for that exact reason.  My kid is already rigid, let's not reinforce that trait!

Really, a simple question to your child would have been, well, what can we pretend to order that you do like to eat?  It could have been as simple as a sandwich!  Lets get to the point of the exercise - which is not pizza!  I would not let this one go without discussion as to being more sensitive and realistic to your child's life experiences.

[Macabre]

I'm not sure about the circumstances that make a social skills classes a helpful thing. But my general response, not knowing the other special needs involved, is that this is high school.

I'm thinking that since this is an imaginary scenario it really shouldn't be a problem that this lesson was used. When my DS was 7 I would have been upset if the kids had sung a song about PB (and maybe I shouldn't have been), but not in high school.

They've grown older and really should be able to set aside certain experiences. 

I am concerned about inclusion in HS but not the same as MS or ES. My emphasis on safety vs inclusion has also shifted. I've pulled the inclusion card in HS, but it was when he had to leave a classroom because if safety.

I don't know. I think these things change with age and maturity.

[hedgehog]

DS also is in a social skills group.  To the best of my knowledge, nothing like tis ever occurred, but he tells me so very little of what happens at school.  But I do know that the social skills teacher should be modeling good social skills.  That would include having a sense of the other person's  point of view, and showing consideration.    It should be brought to their attention.

[twinturbo]

 :yes:The rigidity in attacking a problem and the teacher modeling flexibility. Purple Cat, you distilled about 7 years of our lingering IEP goals in one sentence. Amazing. The lesson got "hung up" on the minor detail, in this case it had to be pizza when it should have been a rolling transition to get to the point of the lesson let's call it turn taking in communication and negotiation, initiating contact, and problem solving/sequencing.

[CMdeux]

Purplecat and TT nailed this one for me-- what exactly was the goal for this lesson?

Did your child learn THAT from this lesson?  No?  Well, then what DID she learn instead?

Personally, a more useful lesson (for your child, who is on an IEP for this reason, n'est pas?) would have been to make the scenario something that your child COULD truly imagine doing.

Ordering a sandwich via a role-play, yes.  Ordering an allergen via a phone conversation?  Uhhh- no.  Your child did a great job explaining why this isn't part of her life, and it has nothing to do with the reason shes' in SS, but everything to do with management of LTFA.  The teacher failed to listen.

No, I wouldn't make a HUGE deal about it in light of how well it's going otherwise-- but I would put a bug in the teacher's ear about some kinds of "rigidity" being necessary-- with respect to food and planning, that is. 

That's what would tick me off here-- this is tinkering with food allergy management, and is therefore WAY above the pay grade of school staffers.

[Macabre]

Okay--I didn't quite get what the purpose of a social skills class involved.

My bad. My general understanding of high school and food allergies does not apply here.

[sneaker]

Thank you to everyone for replying.  I really do see the issue more clearly now and it is worth saying something!  I will thank the teacher for the things going well, but this pizza lesson was just wrong for my dd.

It was insensitive, too rigid that it had to be pizza.  could even be trouble to teach someone to order what they are severely allergic to. 

Hubby said too it is ridiculous to teach her to be comfortable ordering pizza.

And like many of you said, my dd did try to self advocate by saying she does not eat pizza.

So, again, I will thank her for what is going well but this lesson was wrong.

[hopechap]

Ok. I feel bad being the one person haivng an unsupportive thing to say. I think I have been too abused. My K teacher, who was the first teacher and classroom that actually worked for my son, had the TEN children singing the Peanut Butter and Jelly song. Cringe. I think you must cringe at the thought of pizza. I don't think people realzie how scary dangerous foods are to allergic people. BUT -- this was play acting, afterall. What if your daughter one day worked for an organization and needed to order pizza -- it may not be so bad for her to have some familiarity with toppings, etc. even if she never partakes.  I just have had so many battles over the presence of the thing itself that I have had to give up on the insensitive mentions of the allergen .

But that could be wimpy me.

[twinturbo]

I know it looks like it's about the pizza but it's actually not.

Rigid thinking for kids who have this as a developmental challenge need to break down tasks so that they are more flexible in their though and don't get hung up on details. To model the flexible thinking, rather than rigid thinking, the instructor needed to model a quick, problem solved solution. For example, ok order some flowers.

[PurpleCat]

TT - Touche!