LOL. I share that humor.
Ever see the Shweddy balls" SNL skit?
Back to protein powders... There are some at Trader Joes, and the label reads okay, but you might want to call. Just pulled out my can. it is not a Trader Joe's label, but called "Designer Whey" protein.
Assuming you are only avoiding PN/TN, the label has a statement that it "contains milk and soy products." I use it in smoothies for the kids or myself, and have NOT called on it.